When I first started, Gordon Mac forbid me to speak on air about anything at all to do with hair, make-up and/or fashion/trends (just anything relating to femininity), even though...

1

In week 5, I was made to feel slightly uncomfortable when Gordon Mac and Dave Simpson came across some of my graphic art . Not satisfied with my initial answer, Dave repeatedly asked me who did the art? "Who else? It couldn't have just been you..." Whilst Gordon had an expression, suggestive of ticking thought as he looked at me and said "So, you're one of those..." I hesitated but eventually replied "yes... I'm one of those." Whilst requested for my hard drive to be handed back to me.

2

3

4

5

6

Gordon and I were in the studio when he calmly turned to me; seemingly out of the blue, he firmly stated "my boys don't fuck with me!" He was referencing all of the male DJ's. I was shocked but maintained a stoic exterior. Not knowing what to say, I replied "That's nice".

On one occasion in the summer of 2013, Gordon and I were out side having a break and he disclosed to me that he never finished school, citing that he had already learned everything he needed to succeed. I asked what that was, his answer: My skills are, I'm good at getting other people to do what I want them to do, or to do the things I don't want to do, or can't do..." 1111

7

By September of 2013, Marcia Carr was brought in to do a weekly show on Monday afternoons. Gordon quickly started using Marcia as a tool for micro/macro aggressions. When my dad passed away, I had to take time off. In my time of grieving, my photograph was replaced with Marcia's on the website and when I came back, Gordon was asking me if I'd like to change my show day to Monday afternoon's instead of Friday. I did not connect the dots back then but have since realised what was being implied. (Marcia was also keen to overtake my position from the moment of her arrival and displayed micro aggression toward me. From one black woman to another, I found this stance to be troubling; it was my quest to subdue and pacify her so we could both prosper..

8

Location: Mi-Soul office Based in Stephen Lawrence Centre. A DJ by the name of Natty B came into the office where Gordon and I were. I greeted natty and began conversing with him; I asked if he had heard about the name change from Choice Fm to Capital Xtra. Considering Choice FM was the first black radio station, Natty and I both acknowledged the sad end of an era. Gordon who was not part of the conversation, interjected with "Oh whatever! You black people never do anything! All you ever do is moan!"

9

Location: Mi-Soul DAB, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London. Friday late afternoon, after my show; I was in the office with Gordon Mac, Ronnie Herel, Lloyd Holder, Debra Mac (Gordon’s wife) who visited with their dog and Peter Borg. We were sat together around Gordon’s desk whist they reminisced over Brixton. Peter Borg makes a racist based joke about the gentrification of Brixton; “with all the black people moving out of Brixton it’s getting harder and harder to buy weed” Everyone laughed but me, and Ronnie turns to me and says “It’s a joke Tutu!” I smiled and said “yeah, I know…”. I waited for approximately 10 minutes, politely said my goodbyes for the week and left the building.

10

Location: Mi Soul Radio HQ's, The Stephen Lawrence Centre Gordon had long since been presenting Micro aggressions toward me, telling people that I am "beautiful but she's trouble!" along with calling me a diva at any given opportunity. Debra Mac Gordon's wife, whom I really didn't know enough and visa versa, was chiming in with her husband, in trying to convince me that I had some level of mental defect. She referred to me as a "Fruit and Nut" I took offence and calmly said, I'm not, to which Debra doubled down in saying, "yes you are!" Gordon calling me a Diva was a regular occurrence, without any rhyme or reason.

11

Location: Mi Soul Radio HQ's, The Stephen Lawrence Centre Gordon was constantly trying to take photographs of me but wouldn't say what for. On one occasion, . Ronnie Herel and George came into the studio whilst I was doing a show to pose for a photograph with me. I asked what the photograph was for and George stuttered then said it was for a magazine article but it wasn't. From that moment I suspected that they were using my photograph(s) to pull in sponsors, sales and advertising for the station, but didn't want to credit me for any tangible, contributing factors to the growth of the station. From that moment, I stopped allowing Gordon to send people to take photo's of me in the studio; although he would keep trying, sending in the latest apprentice to try and sneak a photograph of me. It's worth noting that none of these photographs were ever seen by me or used to promote me i any light. And till this day, Gordon has not credited me in any way shape or form for contributing to the build of the station and/or it's revenue.

12

Context: Mark Smedley has been an associate of Gordon Mac for over 4 decades when he first came to work for Gordon on behalf of Kiss FM in the late 80’s/90’s. Mark Smedley is one of the associates who holds Gordon in very high esteem.

13

Location: Mi-Soul DAB radio station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London I finished my show and came to the office where Mark Smedley was sat at a desk, editing on the office computer. He asked me if I was djing this weekend and I told him I had a gig on the Saturday. I asked him the same and he replied in saying he had a swanky dinner with the family and in-laws, I smiled and said “that sounds nice!” But Mark replied by saying he wasn’t looking forward to it as he would probably have to pay the bill, that his father in-law never pays. I remarked that perhaps the father just doesn’t have the money but still wants to spend time with his family. Mark replied in saying “no that’s not it. He’s Nigerian, ou know what their like?!” I replied in saying “no, what are they like?” Mark replied “You know, freeloading beggars! Never wanting to pay for anything, always looking for a freebie!” As A side note, I am indeed Nigerian and truly wanted to hear what he thought of the people from my Country of heritage. I did tell him to which he replied in shock “Are you? I thought you were Jamaican!”

14

When he referenced Nigerians as “Freeloading beggars, never wanting to pay for anything” whilst in the Stephen Lawrence centre, whilst knowing he was a metropolitan police officer It quietly triggered me on account of my trauma leading up to me coming to be there. I quietly wondered how many Nigerian’s he may have targeted whilst n duty. It made me ask myself if that was why I was brutalised in 1992. But I didn’t show him any bad faith. I wished him a nice weekend and headed off home.

15

Location: Mi-Soul DAB radio Station. Stephen Lawrence Centre, London. I decided to bring a family bag of Starburst sweets to share with the Mi-Soul personnel. I shared them out and left them in the office whilst I did my show. Mark Smedley, George Kay and Dave Simpson ate the sweets and decided to put the empty sweet wrappers in my hair without me realising. As I walked around the office after my show they kept sniggering, I asked why they were laughing and Dave said “you’ve got sweet wrappers in your hair” I didn’t want to believe but they promptly told me to shake my hair” once I did so, multiple wrappers fell from my hair. They all laughed and although I was upset I smiled it off because I didn’t want to make matters worse. Dave then asked me about where I “keep my wig at night” I told him I don’t have a wig…

Mi-Soul DAB Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre/Trapeze Nightclub, London, England. We had our Christmas Party at Trapeze in Shoreditch London. Gordon and Peter borg were continuously staring at me and sniggering. After the event when I saw Gordon at the studio I asked him why they were laughing at me, he responded with “we were laughing because you dance like a white woman!” I looked at him and said in a monotone “Oh, okay” (I studied Jazz and contemporary as extra curriculum at college and was a professional hip hop dancer from the age of 17 so I wasn’t really bothered by their critique, I knew it was to get a rise). Gordon noted my lack of care and suggested that I have a “cold heart” because thus far, I wasn’t reacting to their efforts of micro aggressions. I wasn’t reacting because I was choosing to stay focused on the possible closure available to me at the Stephen Lawrence Centre.

16

17

Mi-Soul DAB Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London, England. I was unaware that a particular DJ had a history of having meltdowns when I suggested that he come on board an additional, newly instated show time of the Saturday morning Breakfast show. I suggested he join me due to the fact that he was out of a show in that time and he let it be known that he missed being on-air. This was me extending a nice gesture to him. Unfortunately, he did have a meltdown which was completely scary, I felt as though I was in danger and due to it being a Saturday morning there was nobody else in the building. Although there were cameras in the studio and I wondered if Gordon saw the whole episode play out… I sent Gordon a letter after the show and tried to word it so as to express the severity of the matter but not so, I was once again, referenced as a diva. Gordon did not reply or show any. signs of acknowledgement of my email or the matter. I was expecting a “Thanks for letting me know” email, or something along those lines. Below is the actual email I sent to Gordon.

18

19

Mi-Soul DAB Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London, England. I brought up the matter of the above email to Gordon, the following week at which point he made it known to me that he knew The DJ in question had a melt down and that he had, had these meltdowns in the past. I asked Gordon why he didn’t warn me in advance, considering I would be left alone with said DJ. Gordon shrugged it off and said “you were probably being a Diva any way!” I asked him to kindly stop referring to me as a diva because the other members of staff were starting to now address me as such and were on occasion, negatively acting toward me according to the stigmas attached to the title. Later in the afternoon of that same day, I was telling Marcia Carr in the office about the matter; Gordon overheard and interjected by angrily saying “Just leave it! Don’t talk about it!”

20

Mi-Soul DAB Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London, England. Gordon Mac did stop calling me Diva but progressed in calling me ‘trouble’ more and more in an attempt to normalise the associated adjective with my character. Debra Mac was also joining in, in addressing me as ‘trouble’. It became more and more constant. And other members of staff were intermittently behaving toward me in accordance to the notion that I was indeed trouble.

21

Mi-Soul DAB Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London, England. Mi-Soul had now progressed from online to DAB and with that came the revamping of the website. I was in the office when Gordon turned to Dave and said “She’s a good illustrator! Get her to do stuff for the website.” As though it was a given that I would provide artistic solutions Truth be told, I would’ve loved to have provided a comic strip for the website, in fact it would have been an honour but as it happens, Gordon didn’t want to pay any money (at all) and was expecting for me to part with my years of learning and skills for free along side the existing reality; I was already doing a radio show for free for which, Gordon was yet to say a single “Thank you” or “Great show today Tutu!” or any acknowledgement at all of any efforts I was putting in on air…” So, I politely declined on the provision of art and expressed that I couldn’t possibly do this for free.

22

On one occasion n the summer of 2013, Gordon and I were out side having a break and he disclosed to me that he never finished school, citing that he had already learned everything he needed to succeed. I asked what that was, his answer: My skills are, I'm good at getting other people to do what I want them to do, or to do the things I don't want to do, or can't do..." 1111

23

24

25

Regent Street Cinema, London England I brought a friend as a +1 to a private screening of the below black Panther documentary that we were invited to via Mi-Soul Radio. My friend is a beautifully refined Nigerian heritage woman, who has two degrees in Law and business. Additionally, she runs her own business. She is an intellect and enjoys meaningful discussions about black history. Whilst in the drinks reception Gordon comes over to me and my fried. As a formality, I introduce him to my friend; Gordon’s strong toned, opening words to my friend were “You look just like a black girl I used to fuck back in the day!” Leaving us completely startled with embarrassment and humiliation. Gordon Mac did not apologise or show any sense of remorse.

26

Regent Street Cinema, London England A few minutes before the documentary was about to start an announcement was made for all to make their way into the screen. At which point Gordon said good bye to all and left. He had zero interest in watching and or learning more in reference to the nuanced hardship of black people, brought on by white racist people of times gone by.

27

Regent Street Cinema, London England Sat in a row were, Dave Simpson, Ronnie Herel, my +1 and lastly, I was sat furthest into the seating row. My friend got up to get us more drinks. To bridge the seating gap I moved along one seat until she came back. I’m now sat next to Ronnie Herel who out of the blue decides to start mocking my afro hair do. He asked me to explain my hair? Then he asked if he could run his fingers through it? I asked him if he runs his fingers through his wife’s hair to which he replied well, the thing is… my wife is Caucasian so her hair is straight” He said this as if to suggest straight hair was a better. I told him that he had made his choice in women and to not make his choice my problem. My friend came back and Ronnie quickly reverted back to a regular disposition. I found it amazing that he would choose to ridicule a black woman with an afro hair do whilst we were waiting to watch a Black Panthers Movement, documentary; be it a natural afro or weaved in. Also I was now becoming aware of their obsession with my hair.

28

Mi-Soul DAB Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London, England. Dr Psycho (DJ) made me aware that since the station had gone DAB, every daytime presenter from Breakfast show presenter through to the Drive-time show presenter was being paid except for me… I asked Gordon why? and if I could be paid now? but he told me that my show was a specialist show (even though, it wasn’t specialist at all. Like all else in the day, I was now playing playlisted music, and was no longer allowed to compile my own self produced playlist) My show was just more lively than the others on account of my on-air personality which was needed due to my show being on a Friday afternoon.

29

Mi-Boat Party, Yacht along the Thames river, London England We were all having a great time on Mi-Soul’s first boat party along the Thames. Approximately one hour before the end of the event Debra Mac comes to stand next to me. I asked her if she was having a good time and she looked at me and smiled with no words. I began to dance; Debra looked at me in disgust and with a tone to match her expression, she said “Calm down! God you’re like a barbarian!”

30

Email Subject: Dave Simpson sent me a requested photo taken of D’Nyce and I from the Boat party. I noticed the email was subjected as ‘Big Perm’. Though I said nothing I was now getting tired of the ridicule of my hair. Dave made comment when I next came in about the title and I just laughed it off. Secretly, I was finding it harder and harder to cope with. My hair is my signature brand image. I took pride in it being so, and they all knew it.

31

Independent Graphic Design Work: Brian Power was relatively new to the station at this time but seemed to distinctly have a unique presence and relationship with Gordon, one that suggested early on that he might have done some sort of an independent financial deal with Gordon Mac in order to rise to the front of DJ line ups even though he had not aided in building the station thus far. Regardless, Brian said that he needed a graphics solution for his first Single track cover. I told him that I do graphics and can provide him with what he needs. We arranged a call to sort out the logistics of what he wanted and the fee. I was excited to be doing my first offering for the music industry and thought that my closure was beginning to happen, and that all the ridicule would soon subside. On the phone, Brian told me with clarity, he wanted a ‘fist with lightening’ which I found to be slightly cliché at that time but, I adhered to give him what he had asked for, with the addition of my trademark, burst of colour. Brian understandably rushed me along as he said he was in a hurry to meet release date for the track in question.

31a.

Below is the end result…

31b.

Independent Graphic Design Work: Once I sent through, I wanted to call Brian to ask him to maintain privacy on our business arrangement. The reason why was, I felt that Gordon was watching my every move, and even though this (my art) had nothing to do with him whatsoever, I was under the quiet impression that Gordon wanted to control every aspect of my creative growth whether he had legitimate rights or not. I went against my better judgement in not calling Brian in the end, due to my not wanting to undermine a grown man in a business setting.

31c.

Independent Graphic Design Work: Brian went into the office to show everyone the finished work with excitement just as soon as I had sent it over him. He showed everyone including Gordon Mac, Shereen, George Kay, Ronnie Herel and Mark Smedley. I had a meeting for a gig that morning across town and called in to say I was stuck in traffic and would be a few minutes late for the start of my show. By the time I came in to do my show Gordon was tense with me and said he wanted to have a word with me once my show had ended. The air was tense that day and people were acting strange around me. Shereen looked at me with an air of suspicion as she said” I didn’t know you could do that.” Referring to my graphics. I casually reminded her that I had told her on many occasions that I had gone to art school. Still, she replied with “yeah but I didn’t know you could do that tutu, I thought you just edited photo’s etc” I said “I do that too, I do it all”. After my show, I sat with Gordon who immediately sheepishly asked if I even care about the station or the DJ’s? I felt highly uncomfortable as though I was sat with a lover who was asking me where our relationship stood but I answered and told him that “Of course I care! I can’t believe you’re even asking me that question Gordon! I’ve been here for over 2 years without pay and I still do my shows every week!” Gordon sheepishly apologised and admitted that he had asked an unfair question. I continued to explain that “in the absence of pay I need to make my money elsewhere until further notice because like you, I too have a family”. I left feeling highly uncomfortable. Brian paid me, but even though he was ecstatic with the end result and was openly telling everyone so, including me; as I suspected from the slight tension in the office, my art work never saw the light of day after that day. A new concept was designed by someone else and Brian delayed the release date of his track. I was absolutely gutted but said nothing to Brian or anyone else.

31d.

Location: MI-Soul Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London England: The following week; after my show, Mark Smedley and I were alone in the office and the subject of my graphics work came up again. Mark explained that he felt like a fool because he cannot do what I do. Even though I was sick of them all at this point, I smiled and told him not to feel this way that I’d been drawing and painting etc for decades since a little girl and had studied more at art school. I even offered to show him some quick tips in Adobe, in the case of him wanting to learn more but he still looked and sounded upset and nothing I said had changed that for him.

31e.

Location: MI-Soul Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London England: The Following week after my show I was sat at Gordon’s desk. At the end of our conversation Gordon randomly referenced my graphics and said that he’d tagged me into a recommendation for a producer looking for a graphic designer. He asked if I’d seen the notification and that I should look now. I thanked him and looked on Facebook whilst sat opposite from him, but there was no notification. I told him I didn’t have a notification and he replied with “look again, it’s there…” I knew there would be no notification and that this was Gordon’s subtle way of letting me know he’s micro watching me and my art. So I thanked him once more and told him I’d look on the way home, and got up to say bye and leave. There was never a notification, and I was never recommended by Gordon. I felt uneasy; this was supposed to be the place that I was hoping to soar with my art. This was everything to me.

32.

Telephone Call: I received a phone call from a Mi-Soul DJ (whose name I shan’t disclose, due to him possibly wanting to stay incognito) The DJ spoke to me with a shocked tone as he told me that he was in a meeting to discuss the creative direction of the station, just a few days earlier. He told me that the personnel of the meeting made it quite clear that they don’t want to market to black people “We don’t want black people we want to market to white people” I was even more heartbroken than before and was tempted to tell said DJ of my journey from 1992 but chose otherwise. Instead, I matched his level of shock and upset (which I truly was).

Outdoor Broadcast, England: Several months later, I had to an outdoor broadcast from a festival that had partnered with Mi-Soul DAB. Whilst there Gordon introduced me to Roy Marsh (Better known as Roy roach) Roy seemed nice and was pleasant enough. On account of the theme of the festival, I made the comment to Roy, of how shocked I was on how few black people there were in attendance, I was expecting more. Roy quickly responded in saying “it’s great isn’t it! We don’t want black people here, hopefully there’ll be even less next year.” I looked at Gordon in shock and Gordon looked back at me before turning his back away, saying nothing.

I stayed longer than expected at the festival, Gordon came to me and suggested that I could stay the night in Lloyd’s Air B&B as some of the other DJ’s had vacated and gone back to London but Debra Mac had just been undermining me to some of the festival goers so I knew Gordon didn’t mean well. I politely thanked him with zero intention of staying alone with Lloyd.

33.

Outdoor Broadcast, England: In the mid evening as I was making my way to the after party of the festivals last night, I walked alone on the roadside. A group of approximately five or six fans caught my attention to tell me how much they like my aura and presence. I thanked them as one asked if she could take a photo with me. I agreed and began to pose with her for her partner to take the shot. As the flash went off I felt someone from behind grab a clump of my hair from the crown of my head and yank it backwards, I turned around and it was Gordon Mac. He truly thought I was wearing a wig and made every effort to pull it off in a crowded place in order to wig shame me to a public. I pulled my hair again once I had got inside the venue for the after party.

34

London, England: Once I got home the next day, I called a DJ friend of mine who knew some of the peers I worked with. I told him all of what had happened with my hair being pulled. He was livid and told me that Gordon see’s your hair as your strength and was attempting to remove your strength so he can humiliate you into being controlled by him.

35

Soulful Sundays, London Bridge (A stones throw away from Tooley Street Magistrates where I was forced to attend, and saw two of my initial attackers (Stephens suspected murderers). I attended with a friend (an assistant manager from Jazz Café). My friend. left early as I stayed on as one of the Mi-Soul presenters in attendance and at the end of the evening I recall asking a group of punters for a light, one of the white women said I looked like Lauryn Hill but at this point I was fed up of being compared to other black women simply on account of my hair and tired of all the focus around my hair which was mostly negative so I snapped at the woman at which point Lloyd came over and we walked away. He then shocked me in telling me that he knows my family, and then mentioned my nephews name which put me in both a space of defence and shock. It quickly became apparent that he didn’t know my ‘biological’ family but was friends with the father of my nephew

35a.

Regardless, before I knew it Lloyd blind sided me in grabbing a clump of my hair from the lower back and yanked it whilst abrasively asking me “what is this?” I was stunned, but before I could respond he quickly moved on in asking me to come back to his home for sex, telling me that his partner and their children are away on holiday for the week (I believe he said Antigua).

35b.

I was further stunned, but once again; before I could respond he began telling me that he knew who was now telling me that he knew the father of my child and began disclosing personal details about my family life to me that he had no business involving himself with knowing.

35c.

For context, I did not engage with Lloyd on any personal level at all. I do not know Lloyd beyond the compounds of Mi- Soul and had no desire to further engage myself with Lloyd on any personal level.

35d.

Lloyd did all as a shock value, to disorientate me in a further attempt to coerce me back to his home for sex. He kept begging, and further asked that if I won’t come back to his house could I at least join him in the back of his car. When he realised that this was not going to happen, he then began asking me the following:

35e.

“How is it you are the way you are for a black woman? How is it you speak the way you do can do the things you do?” I looked at him, and if I’m to be completely honest I quietly pitied him as a black man who held the female counterpart of his very existence in such low regard. I wondered what closed life he had been living.

35f.

He continued to ask questions, and it was as though he was genuinely baffled. “How is it you look the way you do for a black woman? Even your lips, your teeth, the way you carry yourself, your figure, seriously Tutu, how come you’re like that for a black woman? I don’t know any other black woman like you” I replied in telling him there are plenty of amazing black women. He had this pre-concept that Black women are ugly, aggressive and/or masculine.

35g.

After all was said and done, he turned to me with a straight, slightly menacing face and said “This didn’t happen! You don’t tell anyone! If you do, I’ll deny it; if you do I’ll come after you, do you understand?!” I looked him back in his eyes and calmly said “yup.” I did not go back to another soulful Sunday for the remainder of the summer.

35h.

Location: London England When I got home I closed all of my curtains and cried on my sofa, then called a DJ friend to tell him everything. Much like myself, he was stunned. Location: Mi-Soul Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London. The next week when I came in to do my show, at the end of it I called Shereen to a private room and told her what had happened with Lloyd the week before, and asked her not to say anything, that I was telling her “just in case anything happened” as boundaries had clearly continued to be crossed to an extreme and I was shook and felt unsafe.

36

Location: Facebook. Mark Smedley was due to cover my show; he privately messaged me a manipulated photograph of himself with an afro on his head, suggesting he was me. At this point I was thoroughly exhausted by all of the racial antics, but did not want to vocalise it as I wasn’t sure if it would bring on even more of the same in them getting a rise out of knowing it was getting to me, thus creating a more open tension that I may not have been able to handle. I thought about it for a day and decided to act as though it was not getting to me by replying With laughter whilst saying “that has made my day!” thinking Mark would realise that his efforts to distress did not work. But Mark went one further and put the image out publicly which quietly mortified me. It was clear that he was intent on mocking me regardless. It’s worth noting that Mark has covered on many occasions for the other presenters/DJ’s and has not once manipulated a photo to emulate their hair or other features of likeness.

37

38

Location: Mi- Soul Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London. Mark Smedley came to me in the studio whilst I was doing my show and as if out of nowhere, began telling me “you can’t call your show ‘Tutu@2’!” His remark took me by surprise but I calmly looked at him and asked why he was so concerned with the name of my show? (At this point my show had been called Tutu@2 for three years and counting). He said that I shouldn’t be allowed to have my own brand. I asked him if he was management? He said no. I asked if management had asked him to come to me with this ‘out of the blue’ concern? He said no. So, I then calmly asked “where is all of this coming from all of sudden Mark?” He said it was his thoughts that I should change my show name. I carried on with my show and Mark left the studio.

39

Location: London Bridge, London England It was the finale of the Soulful Sunday sessions in London Bridge, D’nyce and I had pre arranged to arrive at approximately the same time. Once there we hugged and another associate wanted to take photographs of us so we posed for the camera. Debra Mac walks over asking to take a photograph with me (it’s important to note that she didn’t ask to pose with D’Nyce) I reluctantly posed with Debra who then started to fake the notion of spluttering whilst saying “Oh my god your hair is getting in my eye!” I moved away from her and she pulled me back in saying, “Only joking, come on let’s take a photo” Although I didnt want to, I stood next to her again and she repeated the same splutter routine suggesting that my hair was too big and smothering her. I walked away and left Debra speaking to herself.

39a.

Location: London Bridge, London England Debra turned to engage with D’nyce (whom was a friend of mine) and proceeded to say “She’s so annoying isn’t she?!” D’nyce said “who Tutu?” and Debra replied “yes”. D’nyce said “Tutu’s not annoying, Tutu’s really nice!”

39b.

I was informed of what Debra said by D’Nyce who came to find me to tell me of their verbal exchange.

40

Location: Pre MOBO Launch, Sloane Square, London England. I was in attendance at the Pre MOBO launch party held in Sloane Square. I was there in representing Mi-Soul; interviewing the acts and presenters of the evening. After I finished the task at hand I came to sit with the rest of the Mi-Soul staff in attendance and was met with intense frostiness by most including Gordon Mac, George Kay, Lloyd Holder and Calvin Francis. Ronnie Herel was pouring out glasses of Prosecco to those in our grouping, and did so for all except me. The only person who displayed any warmth was a DJ called JM whom I had a healthy working relationship with whenever we were in each others company.

41

Location: Mi-Soul Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London. Mark Smedley was responsible for providing the radio station with it’s imaging (Jingles etc) After my show, I came to the office where he was sat at a desk. A young male Student on work placement was sat at the desk adjacent to Mark. I smiled and greeted both Mark and the student. I had casual conversation with the Student in asking him what he wanted to do once he left education, before turning to Mark and asking politely if he could provide me with a jingle for my Tutu@2 show as I never had a fitting intro for my show in all the years that my show had existed. Mark immediately started raising his voice at me (in front of the Student who turned bright red). Mark went on to tell me that he will not be doing a jingle for me “because, you don’t fit in!” You’re not relevant Tutu. You should go! Leave the station.” I Kept composure and made a conscious effort to ONLY stay completely focused on what Mark was saying to me, so as to not convolute the subject matter surrounding his exchange of words. Shereen walked into the office in the midst of all that was happening and quickly tried to leave but I said “No! Stay right there Shereen. I need a witness for what is happening right now!” I explained to Shereen that I simply requested an intro for my show from Mark, on account, that is what his job is at the station; I then asked Mark to repeat back to Shereen ‘verbatim’ what he had just said to me in response to my request. Mark reluctantly repeated what he said because he had no choice. Shereen didn’t quite know what to do, but at least this time there were witnesses.

In the moment of everything, I couldn’t help but process in my mind that as a survivor of the gang that had taken Stephen’s life and the police brutality that ensued, after two decades of trying to find my way to justice closure/ here I am in the Stephen Lawrence Centre being told by a Metropolitan police officer that “you are irrelevant. You should leave…” Him talking at me in the way he did brought back trauma from 1992. I went home and cried, and I told D’nyce who was perplexed. Her response was “what?! You’re probably the most relevant person in there; you and Melvo.”

41a

Location: Mi-Soul Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London. The following Tuesday, I received a call from Gordon Mac in the early evening. And I knew it was to do with what had happened on the following Friday. Gordon said he was just calling to see if there was anything I might want to tell him, I said no. He kept fishing without openly eluding to the exchange between Mark and myself on the previous Friday, but eventually due to my lack of engagement he came out and admitted that the call was in relation to the said matter and wanted to see if I was going to say anything to him about it. I said “ no Gordon, at this point I realise I have to deal with matters on my own so there’s no point in me telling you or anyone else. He said that this is not the case and that I am not on my own and should be able to come to him. He suggested that we would deal with the matter when I came in on the Friday of that same week.

41b

Location: Mi-Soul Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London. When I came in on the following Friday, as planned Gordon Mac and I had a meeting. In this short meeting, Gordon told me, going forward, I was no longer going to be doing my Tutu@2 show that I had been doing since the start of the station; I am now going to be on at midday. He told me that it was to punish Mark who ordinarily did the midday slot on Friday’s. But I did not see the logic and told Gordon as much. “How is my show being dropped a punishment for Mark?” Regardless, Gordon stuck to his decision and that was that. Side note: Whilst I genuinely never looked forward to being in the Mi-Soul section of the Stephen Lawrence Centre, I loved my show. It gave me a sense of purpose for the journey I had been on and what I was trying to accomplish in terms of closure. I loved the fact that my show was the longest running with my name in the title because I knew I was the only one who had true purpose and meaning for being there, in relation to the history of the building and the history. I was devastated that my time had been shifted but, at least I was still in the building. I told myself that as long I was still there then there was still hope.

41c

Location: Mi-Soul Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London. After Gordon and I vacated the meeting room, Shereen and I had a private talk. In that talk, Shereen told me that I was lucky that she was witness to the exchange between Mark and I. She further explained that Mark had come in on the Monday, and told everyone in the office including Gordon that it was I who had verbally lunged at him as opposed to the truth of it being the other way round. Shereen explained that things were looking bad for me so she had to pull Gordon to the side to explain the truth of the matter. I thanked her and told her of the outcome of my show change.

Location: Mi-Soul Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London. After the incident and the outcome, my brain could not un-see Mark Smedley as anything other than a ‘corrupt’ police officer. Even though it’s understood, at this point in his career he had left the force for over a year (at least).

42

Location: Mi-Soul Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London. And so, a new chapter of my shows began. I took the opportunity to use my artistic skills to create a promotional cover for my new show. It was so I could start bringing all of my creativity to the forefront whilst at the Stephen Lawrence Centre.

42a.

Location: Mi-Soul Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London. My show starting at 12 had it’s perks. I now got to hand the studio over to another DJ by the name of Dr Psycho who I already got along with really well. Dr Psycho and I had many common interests. He studied art too and was in college with my cousin before she went to UAL. Psycho and I were both into comics so we would have great conversations about Marvel Universe. He couldn’t understand why I wasn’t as invested in the films, as a lover of the original comics. We talked about music (obviously) but he also told me more and more about the dynamics he was suffering with some of the peers at the station.

43

Location: Mi-Boat Party, Thames River, London England. On the second and last Mi-Boat Party, Dr Psycho and I were having a chat on the deck of the boat. It was in the conversation that he told me “The guys in the office (daytime) are scared of you Tutu” I asked him why? He replied “because they can’t break you.” I l asked him why they would want to break me? What is their agenda and gain?!” He told me that my presence intimidates them because of my energy and who I present as, within myself. I thanked him for confirming for me that which I quietly, already suspected. Although Psycho and I did have one falling out, we quickly sorted the issue amongst ourselves because neither of us like confrontation so we hugged it out, vowing to never argue again, and we never did.

44

Location: Mi-Soul Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London. I came into do my show. Ronnie was in the office on his own as I went to make myself a coffee, he told me “just so you know, nobody’s talking to Psycho, yeah!” I asked him why and he told me that he and Psycho had , had an intense exchange on account of Psycho leaving a coffee ring stain on the counter in the studio and that Ronnie was tired of him. I quickly replied that the coffee ring was most likely mine because Psycho doesn’t drink coffee, I do. I apologised for the coffee ring but Ronnie didn’t care. He was still hell bent on blaming Psycho and reiterated that no one is talking to him as if to let me know so I could follow suit with everyone in ostracising Psycho. I stopped what I was doing, turned to Ronnie and stated “Oh, I hope you don’t think I’m going to stop speaking with psycho just because none of you are speaking to him? That’s going to happen Ronnie. I like Dr Psycho is a good guy so I’m not going to stop talking to him.” Further to that I asked “why can’t everyone just get along?” Ronnie said “It is what it is now so…” When Psycho came in, he told me that he too tried to tell them that he doesn’t even drink coffee so the ring stain couldn’t possibly have been him but Ronnie wouldn’t listen and just wanted a reason to argue.

45

Location: Mi-Soul Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London. Gordon Mac called me in relation to my logistics for the upcoming festival that I was booked to DJ for. I asked him politely, if the hotel that they had booked me into was of a reasonable standard? Gordon replied “Oh yes. You’ll like the hotel. I think you’ll be pleased”. Location: England. When I got to the hotel, I couldn’t believe it. I never got to shower for the weekend due to lack of hot running water. I had to boil the kettle and wash over the sink. I was the only DJ placed in this hotel of the 100 strong number. One of the radio stations super fans was given free entry and accommodation for the festival by Mi-soul. She was placed in the same hotel as me. On the first night when I was walking back to my hotel she saw me. She gave a stunned look and said “What are you doing here?! You’re not supposed to be here, you’re one of the DJ’s you’re supposed to be somewhere else…” I didn’t even know how to respond, so I just looked at her and shrugged.

45a.

Location: England. Below are just some of the reviews for where Gordon Mac saw fit to place me for an entire weekend away of Deejaying and performing to hundreds/thousands.

46

Location: England. D’nyce came down to the festival for the day and I was glad to see her. We hugged and had a chat. Debra Mac was intent on humiliating me in front of D’nyce. Debra insisted on standing in a position that aggressively divided D’nyce and I as we were speaking to one and other. Debra would then, aggressively speak over me (specifically) about anything other than the subject that D’nyce and I were engaging over. She repeated this several times until I decided to walk away and leave her speaking to herself.

47

Location: Mi-Soul Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London. Much like the previous festival, I had already been booked to DJ in Ibiza in advance. I recall stating to Gordon that “I’m not looking for a free holiday, so if you have no intentions of putting on a line up I don’t want to be booked. I’m not going to be there as some ‘hot Totty’ swanning around in a bikini, just so all the guys can see me swanning around in a bikini” He said that, that was not going to be the case. Location: Ibiza, Spain. On day two of being in Ibiza Gordon had me djing inside the venue to no one because everyone was being entertained outside by the pool to another DJ. Granted, there were other Dj’s who were booked to DJ inside also but with all else that I had to deal with over the timeline I was fed up. I found the task humiliating. So I left my DJ post early. Due to nobody being there. Gordon saw outside and asked me why I was not DJing inside and I explained that there is absolutely nobody there so I packed up early. He then sternly looked at me and said the following “Get back inside! Do not FUCK with me Tutu!” I calmly replied replied back “I don’t fuck with anyone, Gordon” and I went back to continue playing to an empty room. In drawing his own conclusion, Gordon later closed off the room in realisation that the dynamic of entertainment was a bad idea to begin with.

48

Location: Ibiza, Spain. Throughout the week, I made it my mission to bridge the gap between Marcia Carr and myself as the two of the only three black female DJ’s at the station. I told D’Nyce (the third black female DJ) that I was going to work on Marcia so as to gain a healthier, better space of mutual understanding between Marcia and I. The mission was seemingly accomplished. I took many amazing photos of Marcia and saw her smile a plenty. She done a great set on her club nights and I was happy to support her. This brought about a reciprocal space of behaviour in which Marcia, whilst still displaying small, underhanded antics of no real consequence; for the most part, was happy to openly support me. On the last full day/night of the week in Ibiza, Marcia and I noticed that we weren’t on the line-up for the finale event. I didn’t care all that much because I was fed up of the whole week and couldn’t wait to get back home. However, unbeknownst to me; Marcia pursued in trying get (both of us) on the line-up. She spoke to Gordon’s wife due to Gordon ignoring he attempts to get his attention. At approximately 2:15pm I met with Marcia near the outdoor pool for the first time that day. We had just began casual conversation when a red faced, roaring Gordon stomped over Immediately launching into racial verbal attack “I GET IT! YOU TWO HAVE GOT THIS SISTA THING GOING ON!! He said, whilst rolling his neck in a fashion reminiscent of a stereotypical, sassy 1970’s style Foxy Brown. He continued… “THAT ‘S NICE FOR YOU! BUT DON’T YOU EVER INTERFERE WITH MY PLANS AND MY BUSINESS AGAIN DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!!” All was said at extremely close proximity; to a point, I could feel the whoosh of his every breath taken. I stood there stunned. Marcia, who was wearing tinted sunglasses looked as though she were about to cry and I was livid as Gordon continued… YOU GET 1 HOUR AND IF YOU WANT TO SHARE IT WITH ER (her = me) THEN THAT’S UP TO YOU BUT THAT’S ALL THE BOTH OF YOU ARE GETTING!” After he finished, he stomped off again. Marcia and I agreed to share the time, as much as I told her she should take it because it just wasn’t that big a deal, especially after what had just happened. But the solidarity that we had built up over the week meant that she wanted to share and so we agreed upon that.

Location: Ibiza, Spain. I had brought a special outfit for the last night/finale event but on account of Gordon’s horrifying treatment all week including earlier in that day I really didn’t feel up to getting all glitzed up; I was so angry at the way in which he had spoken to Marcia and I, just a few hours earlier. I traded in my special outfit for a far more everyday/dress down Friday attire; baggy khaki shorts, a sequin vest, open cotton shirt and some flip flops. After my set I was socially wondering around, speaking to people in attendance. I was called by Andrea, and turned to see her sat on a day bed with a cluster of approximately six to eight other women. I smiled and said hi to all. Just as we were beginning to engage in more conversation, Debra Mac walks over. She was wearing a chiffon dress which wasn’t my style of dress but it fit her well so I said “you look nice Debra” to which she replied with the immediate berating of me and my choice of dress. “You look a state! What are you wearing you need to go back and change!!” I calmly replied I’m happy with what I’m wearing thanks. Is this how you repay someone who’s just paid you a compliment?” But Debra was intent on humiliating me further so she continued on with insulting my attire and then she stood in front of me as if to ’square up to me’ as she said “I know you Tutu, you NEED to know me! Take seat, they’ll tell you all about me!” At that point I thought back to 1992, quietly thinking, she has no idea who I am, she doesn’t know me… I said to her “You don’t know me.” But Debra kept repeating, “Oh, I know you!” I wished all a pleasant evening, politely excused myself and left her talking to herself. Within 30 minutes or less, Debra came to find me again to continue the attack, this time pulling on my arm and sleeve whilst say “What are you still doing wearing this? I thought I told you to throw that in the bin!” I asked her to stop but she continued and with every step I took back she took one forward. I told her to leave my outfit alone that she’s not my mother to which she replied, “I bet you wish I was your mother though?! Maybe I should be your mother?! Perhaps then I could take you shopping and buy you some better clothes! You’re scared of me ain’t ya? cos I’m Gordon’s wife and he’s your boss!” I calmly told her that I was not scared to which she replied with mockery and the continued notion of me being somewhat fearful “You’re scared of my husband though aren’t ya cos he’s your boss?!” I repeated with the answer no. I’m not sure what would have happened next because thankfully the manager of the venue came over to save me from Debra’s clutches and off we went. I was later informed, that Gordon was hiding behind a wall, and was watching the whole attack play out.

48a.

49

Location: Mi-Soul Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London. I handed over the studio to Dr Psycho as I did every Friday. I had noticed that he was dressing sharper than usual in the last week’s/months. I told him and laughingly asked if he had a new girlfriend to which he replied that he did. I wanted to know all about it, every detail. Who is she? what’s she like? I was so happy for him. He told me that he was off to Morocco for 10 days for a gig, and that when he got back to London he would fill me in on everything. So I said I could wait. The last thing I said to him was “See you in two weeks. Have a good time in Morocco dude!” I never saw Dr Psycho alive again. D’Nyce called me on a Tuesday at approximately 3:30pm to tell me that Dr Psycho is in hospital with a heart attack. I was exiting the tube station at the time and quickly u-turned to jump back on the tube as I asked her where he is so we can go to see him, but she told me to let it be; wait until Friday, she said. He was being moved to a different hospital.

49a.

Location: Mi-Soul Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London. I came in on the Friday and headed straight to the office to speak with Shereen to find out if she knew anything. She told me that he was stable but not quite out of the woods. “But he’s stable yes?” I asked yes she said. In the office was one other person, George Kay. I made a coffee and headed to the studio to go and start my show. Nick Brickel was in the studio and we had a brief exchange on the the current affairs with Dr Psycho, Nick casually mentioned Psycho’s surgery, and I immediately asked him in horror “what do you mean surgery?!” I ran out of the studio, back to the office and through a voice of terror demanded to know ALL of what was going on. “Shereen, what are you not telling me?! Nick just mentioned surgery! Tell me what’s really going on with Psycho! Shereen realised that she couldn’t fool me anymore and began to calmly explain that it’s a little more than a heart attack. I asked if he was still going to be okay? At which point a calm toned George Kay interjected, He asked me to come over to him so he could specifically show me what was wrong with Psycho. In my worried state I walked over to George. He had a Wikipedia screen open of his desk top with a line highlighted on the wiki page. He calmly asked me to read the screen and asked me to red it out loud. I began reading from the top and George interrupted me in asking me to specifically read out loud the section he had highlighted for me, so I did. I was caught off guard as I read the words out loud. The highlighted sentence was quoting the survival rate of Psycho’s condition. Whilst I can’t remember the exact percentage I remember it was a remarkably low percentage. And as I read it out I became more and more in shock. George saw my face and said “see, he’s already dead!” I gasped and nearly froze just staring at George and the disbelief of his wickedness. I walked out of the office. George Kay came to apologise on Shereen’s say so (She told me this was the case later). Even though, in the moment I seemingly accepted Georges apology, the truth is I didn’t, and I never, ever will! I went to the hospital to say goodbye to Dr Psycho whilst he was on his life support machine on the Sunday, before they switched it off. Shereen drove me home and I had a melt down on the way to the car park and started accusing Shereen, Gordon Mac, Mark Smedley, Ronnie Herel and George Kay of trying to kill me, and that it was them who killed Dr Psycho. I later apologised to Shereen. I was in shock. On the Monday after that Sunday, he was gone.

49b.

Location: Mi-Soul Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London. Andrea Britton called me to see if I was okay and strongly advised for me to come down to the station to gather with others to hold a moment together for Dr Psycho. The truth is I really didn’t want to be around any of them. I hated that they weren’t from my culture, that they don’t know how hard the journey is to get to where you want to be. I didn’t believe that they truly cared for a moment. But, I still went any way.

49c.

Peter Borg’s girlfriend kindly and sweetly sent me a text of condolences which I thanked her and thanked Peter too in showing him what his lovely partner had sent through. Peter’s face was more horrified than pleased. He began to whine about how come his girlfriend hadn’t text him. I said it’s probably because she knows she will like see him later and she knew how much me and Psycho got on.

49b.

Location: Mi-Soul Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London. She later told me that they had a blazing row about her comforting text sent through to me and that Peter is sort of jealous of you Tutu. She asked me to her a favour and not tell him that we spoke. Why did everything surrounding everything I do have to be deemed as controversial?

50

Location: Mi-Soul Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London. In the absence of Dr Psycho the schedule adjusted my show now began at 1pm and I’m now back to handing over the studio to Ronnie Herel.

51

Location: Mi-Soul Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London. On Psycho’s Nine Night (an important Jamaican tradition before the funeral of the deceased) Ronnie Herel, who had never mentioned or remotely acknowledged my graphic art in the past suddenly approached me at the end of my show in asking if I could provide him with a better solution for a logo to his newly instated club night. At the time I was trying to build a portfolio in the music arena. I thought that on account of Dr Psycho’s passing, perhaps Ronnie was trying to extend something nice to me in acknowledging the tough time ahead. I wasn’t so pressed on the fee amount for my commissions; more so, I needed exposure. I said I could do the commission for £250. It was at this point that he mentioned that he would need to speak to his ‘business Partner’ Rosie. I had never heard her name before and had no clue he had a business partner. He came back with £150 having spoke to Rosie. I agreed and said that I would need exposure, that they are to promote me on social media, and I gave him the heads up that I’d be signing my work, so he knew what he was signing up for. We agreed on all, but he said I should deal with Rosie. I told him “I don’t know Rosie so I’ll just deal with you. But he insisted that I deal with Rosie. Again, I told him It’s easier if I just deal with Ronnie as I see him each week and I don’t know Rosie. Again, he insisted that I ‘must’ deal with Rosie. In the end I said okay, I’ll deal with Rosie.

52

I had to be back at the Pre MOBO launch party, happening in Canary Wharf. Once I arrived, I did part of my job and went to be seated for the sit down 3 course meal, which was when I was informed that I don’t have a table. I thought there must be some mistake as I looked around and saw Ronnie who was not working on the evening, but appeared to be seated at a table. I called Gordon but he didn’t pick up the phone on any of my calls, even though he knew I was at the event that he had sent me to. So I called Shereen, and told her to get Gordon on the phone to MOBO to provide me with a table or I’m leaving without footage of the event. I was given a table. Lloyds cousin was there alongside Lloyds partner/wife. She wanted to take a photograph with me so I obliged. Lloyd’s cousin held the camera phone and started speaking on how he was going to make me beautiful “I’m going to make you look mixed race!” I stopped him taking photo’s and asked for my camera back. He told me to calm down and proceeded to say “It’s not as if I called you a Nigga bitch is it?!” At which point I gasped and politely excused myself citing that “I think I hear Floacist about to perform, if you’ll excuse me…”

53

Location: London, England Craig Williams is another of the Presenter DJ’s on Mi-Soul. Craig seemed like a nice guy who (possibly) suffered from self esteem issues. I would engage with him to help boost his confidence so he could succeed further in his career. One day, we were speaking on the phone and he began telling e how he couldn’t believe how nice of a person I was. He further told me that he was warned to stay away from me when he first came to the station; I was referenced as ‘trouble’ in the office. I told him I suspected as much and that everyone was probably told the same as he was due to the tension I would receive from some people at times. He went to say that he was speaking to another DJ who had noticed the mistreatment I was getting and that he said it’s probably “because Tutu’s too black” I asked Craig what he thought the DJ meant by that? Craig responded with, you’re too smart for them and they don’t like it. You’re switched on Tutu

54

Location: Mi-Soul Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London. I re-confirmed with Ronnie that he and his partner wanted an afro, he said yes. I then told him that I was going to make the image black, and he quickly replied “No! don’t make her black.” I looked at him with confusion and replied “well do you or don’t you want an afro?” He repeated that they (him and his partner) do want an afro. Once more I said well then I’ll make her black because it’s an afro. Ronnie replied “don’t make her black! We’re not alienating white people!” I looked in shock and said what do you mean by that? He said you know what I mean, I said no Ronnie what do you mean? He then replied in saying “look, just make her mixed race.” I looked at him, whilst I was feeling so many negative thoughts. Equally, at this stage; I was mentally done in and still needed to stay in the Stephen Lawrence for the same reasons for my arriving in the first place, so I told myself that it was okay and agreed to design a mixed race image.

55

Location: Mi-Soul Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London. On account of all the tried mockery and undermining of my hair throughout the years, I purposefully designed the artwork with my style of afro hair and some of my features.

56

Location: Mi-Soul Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London. Ronnie was over the moon with the end result. He had a wide smile whilst say “she’s sick!’ in response to my asking if he was happy with it.

57

Location: Mi-Soul Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London. By the following week I received a cold shoulder from Ronnie which got frostier and frostier each week that went by from there on It got to a point that he would give me menacing looks as a response to me saying “hello” I stopped bothering to greet him and just walked past him in the hallway as he would head off to the studio after my show.

58

Location: London England. Craig Williams and I were speaking ahead of his birthday; he told me that him and his wife were arguing all week. I sympathised as he then went on to tell me that they were arguing about me. I asked him why were they arguing about me, he said that it was because I won’t stop talking about you. Natalie things I’m obsessed with you.” I asked him to pleeeease stop speaking about me at home. Why is everyone making me their pillow talk?!” I’d made an extreme effort on numerous occasions to ensure that Natalie his partner did not get the wrong end of the stick whilst I was on the phone, I would ask Craig to put me on loud speaker so e could have a 3-way conversation even though Natalie has absolutely nothing to do with work life in any capacity other than being married to a colleague. Even though I knew it wasn’t normal I did all I could to keep my colleagues partners/wives from feeling uncomfortable in my presence.

Location: Mi-Soul Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London. Ronnie Herel is maintaining the upkeep of aggression and is now displaying it around a young man who is coming in to shadow Ronnie Herel. Which in turn creates a dynamic for this new person to feel comfortable in further undermining me in a building and space that I have helped from embryonic stage through to it’s current state of growth.

59

60

Location: Mi-Soul Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London. The time had come for Ronnie Herel and Rosie Coxshaw to reveal the newly designed artwork that they were using as a logo. This was the moment in which they were going to promote the artist behind the work in the hopes that I might get more commissions. I hoped to get a thank you much like that which you see below. As you can see from image B Ronnie does know how to promote and thank people, as does Rosie Coxshaw who is championing women at work.

Screenshot_20240904_050631_com.android.gallery3d.jpg

60a.

Location: Mi-Soul Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London. Instead promoting me as we had agreed, or thanking me or even just acknowledging me or new artwork as their Logo; Ronnie and Rosie decided to use this opportunity to introduce me to psychological cyber bullying by going out of their way to thank everybody else involved in any aspect of what ever they were doing, everyone but the person they had a business arrangement with, the artist behind the art, me. I had told DJ’s of my arrangement with Ronnie Herel and Rosie Coxshaw and that I was due to be promoted, so when Ronnie put up the below post that called to let me know what they had seen. D’Nyce asked me if I was going to bring them to task and I said “no, I’m not going to ask them a thing about why they they did not honour the business agreement. Why should I?” I said “They know what they’ve done and why they did it, I guess that’s all that really matters.”

62

Location: Croydon, England I was on a line up with DJ jumping Jack Frost and I hadn’t seen him since Ibiza. I got on well with Frost but I only ever spoke to him when we were in the same place at the same time. He seemed a man who respected creativity. On this occasion, we were small talking as he I got ready to go on after him. I asked him how he was? and how his girlfriend was? He then told me he had split with his partner. I was genuinely sad for him as he seemed happy with her the few times I’d seen her. He then said that she was paranoid and that I was in the mix of their problem, that his ex partner was sure that Jumping Jack Frost and I were in some sort of relationship. I found this extremely odd considering that I never once called Frost or saw him often, I think I had seen him less than 15 times in all the time I was at the station. I quietly assumed, I must’ve been pillow talk in JJF's home too; I have zero clue as to how otherwise, his partner would of otherwise, arrived at that space of thought.

63

Location: Mi-Soul Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London. I’ve come into the office having just finished my show. The only other person in the office is Gordon Mac. He strikes conversation with me telling “ I know you’ve always wanted to do Monday to Friday daytime radio Tutu”. I looked at him saying yes, It would make my life so much easier if this was the case. Gordon then stated that he may have something for me. I smiled and said “don’t do this Gordon if you’re not serious.” He made it clear to leave it with him and he’d be in touch.

63a.

Location: Shoreditch, London, England That weekend Gordon took pride in finally getting to pose with my artwork. I read between the long and windy lines and knew this was Gordon’s moment of “gotcha!” to me, my art and my need to protect my lifelong craft from bad entities. I didn’t see this until after what happened next…

63b.

Location: Mi-Soul Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London. Ronnie Herel, who had not engaged with me for months suddenly came in with a T shirt with my own design on it, and handed it to me. This prompted me to ask him “ I hope you’re not selling these Ronnie?” He categorically said “No we’re just printing some to hand out to people” I replied “Okay, good. Because if you’re selling we need to speak about that.” He repeated “We’re not selling anything.” I acknowledged and walked out of the studio.

63c.

Location: Mi-Soul Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London. Gordon called me out of the blue to tell that I am no longer doing my show and that essentially, my options were a demotion or to leave. I asked him if this was what he meant when we spoke two weeks prior about possibly having something for me? He replied with a yes. The demotion was to do “cover shows” whenever someone was away or sick. I asked if I could kindly say some nice words to the Friday afternoon listener who I had built and had been entertaining since inception of Friday afternoons, Gordon said “No.” and that my removal from show was with immediate action. There was full shock value which I am certain Gordon was seeking.

63d.

Location: Mi-Soul Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London. Shereen text me the next day to see if I was okay and this is what I replied. I couldn’t believe that I’d been there for such a long time, stuck in yet another time warp with the expectancy of gaining closure only to get more pain on top of the g=heavy load that had walked with me for the twenty-one years before I got to the Stephen Lawrence centre. And now, it was all about to be over, and no matter what; I was bound to be stuck with an even heavier trauma for the rest of my life with nobody to help me and nowhere else to go for resolve. And to make matters worse, A metropolitan police officer is taking my radio show time a the Stephen Lawrence Centre. The same one who told me ‘Nigerian’s are free loading Beggars” The same officer who told me “You’re not relevant, you should leave!”.

64.

Location: London, England. I began the solemn task of call the DJ’s one by one to say bye to them. But each time I explained the new state of play they thought I was joking. Once they realised I wasn’t, they were mostly in shock saying things like “But we need you!” and “what is Gordon doing?!”

64a.

Location: Kensington, London England. One of the Dj’s on my call list was Femi. I told him the same as I had told others but he was too in shock and refused to accept that I was going. He couldn’t grasp the concept over the phone and asked if he could meet me in the now. I agreed to meet him in Kensington where we sat down at a restaurant to discuss just what was going on. We sat for hours as I told him all of what Gordon and his wife had done to me over the years, along with others. I told him I didn’t know what to do or who to tell. He was in further shock; it was a lot to process as he had no prior knowledge of any of what I was sharing. I told him I don’t know why they were doing all of what they had done to me over the years. To be honest, it felt somewhat cathartic to let one of the other DJ’s know (other than D’Nyce and one or two others). However, I drew the line at telling him my backstory of my Twenty-one years lead up to arriving at the Stephen Lawrence Centre. Femi asked me if I had spoken to Gordon about how I felt and how his actions were making me feel and I said “No, there’s no point! Look at what they’ve been doing to me, Femi!” Femi said right, we need to brainstorm because you’re not leaving Tutu! We just need to find a way!” he advised for me to take the option of demotion for now and use that as a stepping stone. But to be honest I was there for my closure and led by Gordon Mac and his wife; Ronnie Herel, Lloyd, Mark Smedley and George Kay along with select others had already, completely derailed my entire adult life’s quest for justice and closure for Stephen and so not much else mattered. I was already dealing with quiet depression in the last year+ along with the existing trauma’s. I didn’t want “stepping stones” I NEEDED to be at ‘a’ Stephen Lawrence that was free from all the noise of racism, and sexism, and misogyny, and oppression. As a Side note: Thank you Femi, it meant everything that you wanted to try to help me.

64b.

Roy Roach was another person whom I called to bid farewell to, he has a friendship with Gordon spanning over four decades. Whilst I’ll never forget what Roy said about not wanting black people at the Mi-Soul events I knew he was one of the people I had to get along in order for a no additional added stress to that which I was already enduring. So I did, and Roy took a liking to me for the time that I was at the station until the tail ending of the last year after he had a chat with Gordon about me. I believe it was at this point that Roy processed a fuller picture of how Gordon viewed me and understood that I was not as valued by management as he had naturally expected me to have been based on the performances of my shows. Regardless, before he was made aware of the dynamics, when I called him he was flabbergasted with the choice to remove me from my show, made by his friend Gordon. He said out loud “aye! What’s he playing at?! We need you. Without you Tutu, the station’s just a bunch of middle aged, balding, pop bellied men! I mean no disrespect but you are our pretty girl at the front.” He also commented on my skills in asking me if I had done professional radio prior to Mi-Soul? I said yes I’d done radio for some years and worked at some major media corporations. Roy got a better understanding in saying “ah, that makes sense. You sound so professional” And just like Femi, Roy went on to say that my show is a must and that he loves listening every Friday. He gave me the idea to take the cover and to make it work paly on the words and become a magazine ‘cover girl’ type image for the station. I loved the idea and thought it might give me hope to salvage some dignity in a space that I still required closure.

64c.

Location: Mi-Soul Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London England. Whilst Gordon went along with the ‘Mi-Cover Girl’ idea in principle, nor he or any other of the Mi-Soul management bothered to back me in the practice of it. Very quickly, I was forced to abandon the full breadth of the idea for lack of in-house engagement leading to the very possible space of my looking desperate (more than already appeared).

Location: Mi-Soul Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London England. At this stage of my time aT Mi-Soul, I am broken but still I’m trying to hide as much as possible but the cracks were most certainly not that hard to see, if you were looking. I knew for sure a break down was imminent once I left. I was crying a lot at home and wasn’t going into my other job. No longer was I seeking what now seemed like basic justice and closure for past trauma; I now would need to seek closure for the compounded convolution of what was happening to me at the place that I ironically, came to get original closure. It was my belief that I would never be able to catch up to myself, so best I just stay and die slowly (was my thinking).

65

Location: Mi-Soul Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London England. I was coming in more than ever throughout the summer covers that were a plenty. Which meant more of Ronnie Herel’s snarling at me as we exchanged studio time.

66

67

Location: Mi-Soul Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London England. Contrary to me thinking Mark would be happy now that he has my show, it seemed that this wasn’t enough, and the bullying continued from Mark with more ferocity. He was now sabotaging my studio time through show technical, Pre recorded mixes. It was intense and never ending.

68

Location: Mi-Soul Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London England. I was still waiting on my promotion from Ronnie Herel and Rosie Coxshaw (who in the meantime was simultaneously, gallantly jumping onto social media speaking on matters pertaining to being passionate about supporting women at work). Knowing that Gordon didn’t care, I spoke to Shereen about my grievance with Ronnie and what he and his partner had done. I was blindsided when Shereen’s response to my telling her all of the sordid was for her to ask “did you actually do that art though? George said you didn’t do it. He said you can by software that does it for you.” I was stunned and realised I’d lost Shereen as well. Even though I responded in saying that I did the work, her expression suggested that she believed George more than she did, me. I didn’t try to convince her.

69

Location: Mi-Soul Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London England. More relentless bullying from Mark. Still continuously doing whatever he could to scupper my live shows. I tried to reason with him myself. I said the following: Mark, I don’t know what problems you may or may not have in your life, but I can assure you I am not one of them. I do not know you personally; We do not share the same social circle We do not engage outside of work, I am not emotionally invested in your life. Please can you stop trying to make me your problem because I am not your problem. There has been no altercation from me so please just stop.” But he didn’t stop…

70

Location: Mi-Soul Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London England. At some point it was getting so bad that I finally called Gordon to the studio to ask him to something. When he came to the studio, I began by saying “Look I get it. I know I’m just cover but”— Gordon swiftly interject at that very moment, replying “Good! I’m glad you know your place!”

71

Location: Mi-Soul Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London England. Mark Smedley continued to bully me. Knowing that there were no boundaries that this group of people were not willing to cross and that there was nobody willing to protect from within. I desperately, tried to keep them all at bay. But one day I was at home on my computer when an email came through from Mark at 9pm. I just knew that this would be an introduction to bullying on email. So I tried to nip this portal in the bud as quickly and proficiently as possible.

71a.

Location: London England Below is my response.

72

Location: Mi-Soul Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London England. I was in the middle of a live radio show when the studio system crashed out. I went to the office to alert them of the situation. Ronnie and Shereen came running to see what the matter could be and as they came into the studio Ronnie looked at me as though I was dirt beneath his shoe and aggressively told me to “MOVE!” He did so in front of Shereen who didn’t flinch or bat an eye. I responded “ don’t talk to me like that but he just repeated again “Move!!”

73

Location: Mi-Soul Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London England. Once they left the studio and the system was back up and running I continued my show but began to cry. My daughter messaged me and I couldn’t hold it in any longer and so, I told her right there on the messenger that I was being bullied at work. My daughter did not know about my past of 1992 and any connection to Stephen Lawrence’s murder, I hadn’t told any of my family at this point. When I got home we spoke again here is what she said: Mummy you should write a book and when you do, call it Slingshot!” I asked her why Slingshot? She said “Because Mummy, these people are trying to pull you back, and back, and back but they don’t realise; the moment they let go of you you’re going to soar so far forward they won’t know what to do!” I love her for that! She made me smile with pride.

74

Location: Mi-Soul Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London England. Meanwhile as predicted, Mark Smedley is trying to further establish the email bullying further. The tone in his email would suggest that I hadn’t been working out of that very studio for the past five+ years and perhaps, I might be a rookie in the radio world even though at this point I had been working in music media for over 12 years.

Location: London England. My response to Mark’s email:

74a.

74b.

Location: Mi-Soul Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London England. Mark did not reply back on email. Instead, so there would be no trail or witnesses; the next time I was in the studio Mark Smedley arrived with his teenage daughter (which he sometimes did, although this time it felt different). Mark Smedley came into the studio for the exchange of shows earlier than usual. He stood close into my personal space with a stance as though he was a police officer in uniform about to reprimand me. Whilst I was live on air doing a link, he stood close staring at me. Once I pulled the fader down he further encroached on my personal space and stretched his arm across and over my chest plate brushing me as he did so. My reflexes pushed his arm away and asked him “what are you doing Mark?! Just stop!!”

75

Location: Shoreditch, London England Ronnie Herel and Rosie Coxshaw continued to mock me artistically with every upload of the logo they were now using. I realised I had made a huge mistake in agreeing to take the commission. Not only had they not credited me and paid less with the understanding that his would be the case but they had tricked me into whitewashing my own black woman image as they enjoyed the use of said artwork to promote themselves. I realised that the whole time they were mocking my hair it was because they wanted it for themselves and couldn’t stand that a black woman of prominence and poise was walking proudly with an image that represented femininity for the black woman which could not be denied or belittled. I can only imagine, they had been told that black women are not feminine, but my image and conduct was showing them different.

76

Location: Facebook. Mark Smedley went to other areas of online bullying. This time on Facebook. The station got it’s Rajar figures for that quarter. Even though I had significantly contributed, Mark made a concerted effort to deny me any glory and left me out whilst including all else who contributed to the successes (including Gordon Mac and Martin striven who weren’t even on air at all!)

77

Location: Facebook. Ronnie Herel and Rosie Coxshaw continued to antagonise me further through my artwork by defaming it and plagiarising it as much as possible. At this point my own creation may as well have been a personal swastika sign for black women; at least, that’s how it felt/feels.)

78

Location: Mi-Soul Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London England. My Nephew was off to Malta to start a new job. I went to his home to help him out and spend some time with him before he went. I forgot that I had a cover show the next day. I was reminded by one of the listeners who messaged me to share joy that they were going to hear me on the radio again after a few week of me being gone. I called shereen who was stoic on the telephone and insisted that I still come with all knowing that I would possibly miss at least an hour of the show. I rushed down to the station but was at least 4o minutes late. Gordon was highly aggressive toward me with his body language as he exited the building and I was cracking up and began crying in the studio. Brian power was in the studio next door and could see. I went to him and said I need to speak to someone pronto! He said he’d be along once he’d finished up. Brian and I went to the office where I let loose through violent tears and screamed “Where the fuck is HR I this place anyway?!” Brian asked what was going on between Gordon and myself. I answered “Nothing!” I wanted to say “He’s not my lover, not my family, nothing! He’s nothing to me!” ’ But I couldn’t say that to Brian because I didn’t think he would understand It always felt as though Gordon wanted complete autonomy over my existence and knowing that wasn’t possible, he made extreme efforts in deciding to destroy me instead. ‘If I can’t have/control you then nobody will! It was as if he was obsessed with all things rich in black culture and the obtaining of it. However, I did tell Brian that Gordon pulled my hair. Brain acted as though he didn’t hear that part and just kept it moving to discuss my time keeping. I wanted to tell him that my time keeping was partly due to not wanting to be around the people here on account of the terror reigned down on me and partly due to the quiet depression on account of the unique juxtaposition of my needing to be in this building due to past terror whilst juggling the current terror, making lose my mind. But I couldn’t say that either. So instead I eluded to the unbalancing of treatment of staff. Ronnie doesn’t do many things on time and nobody says anything!” I said. Brian just rebutted “Hey, life isn’t fair!” with my back to him now washing my cup, Brian sternly called my name and told me to look at him as he said “This is the big boy’s playground Tutu!” I wanted to screeeam out “I KNOW BRIAAAAN! I WAS THRUST INTO THIS SO CALLED BIG ‘BOYS’ PLAYGROUND SINCE FUCKING 1992!!! EVEN THOUGH I WAS ONLY 19 AT THE TIME AND I’M ONLY 5FT 3” AND IM NOT A BOY AT ALL! RATHER, I’M A FUCKING GUUUUURL!!!” But instead, I said nothing, and just carried on crying. When I got home I sent Gordon an email of apology even though it killed me to write it through tears. I asked for a meeting to discuss matters, going forward. (By now I’m suffering Migraines but I didn’t make any appointments with my doctor).

78a.

Location: Mi-Soul Radio Station, Stephen Lawrence Centre, London England. Brian was present, in the meeting with Gordon. I asked if I should be worried about being removed from Mi-Soul and my cover shows to which Gordon said “No.” Gordon didn’t say much the meeting lasted all of five minutes due to Brian calling time on it prematurely and quickly ushering everyone out. It felt as though the calling of a meeting was simply a formality to cover their backs should anything untoward occur down the line.

79

After one of my cover shows, I came to the office and found Conrad (Sales & Marketing) there on his own. I got on well with Conrad. As such, I used the alone time as an opportunity for a moment of heart to heart with him. He told me, he thought I should've had more, and should not be doing cover shows. He further told me that I should have been one of the solo highlights of the station and deserved so much more in his opinion. I asked him why are things the way they are? and what's being said about me in the office? As reluctant as he was to speak I pressed to get an answer. He eventually replied in telling me , the general thought is that I'm "too street and too Ghetto." I thanked him for his honesty in sharing this information with me, and further asked who was perpetuating these false notions about me? Conrad said, various people in the office. He then mentioned "George Kay, but mostly Mark Smedley" I replied back "I Knew it!" and asked him why are they saying these things? "It's because I'm black with an afro and sometimes wear jeans and trainers, isn't it?" Conrad replied "yes, I think so. But I do not agree with what's being said Tutu. " I thanked him for sharing this information with me in confidence and I never took it back to either George Kay or Mark Smedley. I just needed it confirmed to me. I wondered what else was being said about me to drive such aggressively, negative behaviours from all of those in the office in the day. These things were being said in front of Gordon and nothing was being done to combat it.

80

Location: London, England. In January 2019 I received an impromptu call from from Martin Striven (Gordon’s business partner) and even though he had told me that I had nothing to worry about, Martin told me that I will no longer be held at the station. The reason being “We’re not entirely satisfied with your standard of professionalism” I calmly said “good to know.” Martin said “All good things come to an end.” I calmly replied “yes they do Martin… Yes, they do…” There’s was nothing good about coming to The place that said on the front ‘You are here Tutu. This is your sanctuary’ after 21 years of searching for the exit to get off of the road that apparently amounts to the “big boys Playground” and not giving up hope. Only to find out that I had entered into a cocksure, racist twilight Zone where I am to be used and abused in as many ways as possible then tossed out like a rag to figure out my trauma somewhere else (if that was ever going to be possible). It just looked like a sanctuary from the outside but Once Gordon and his crew had moved in, it became a racist based hell. More hell than I could ever have possibly imagined, even in the wildest of my nightmares. going to get rid of me and that he had many conversations with George Kay to ask him what the hell are you doing to Tutu?! He said that they planned to get rid of e the year before but he had spoken to George and said “What are you guys doing? Tutu’s one of your strongest players; why would you destroy your own team?! Sort it out, and talk to Gordon.” My DJ friend didn’t even know about my history and still doesn’t until he reads this.

81

Location: London, England. Sobbing, I called my DJ friend and told him of my fate. He told me that he knew they were going to get rid of me and that he had many conversations with George Kay to ask him what the hell are you doing to Tutu?! He said that they planned to get rid of e the year before but he had spoken to George and said “What are you guys doing? Tutu’s one of your strongest players; why would you destroy your own team?! Sort it out, and talk to Gordon.” My DJ friend didn’t even know about my history and still doesn’t until he reads this.

82

Location: Facebook. A few weeks after my departure, I drummed up the courage to inform the listeners that I’m no longer on Mi- Soul radio. Jumping Jack Frost reached out to me in good faith and in doing so, he informed me that he had a new girlfriend and that I knew her. Truth be told; as much as I liked JJF, I couldn’t care less about his love life or any other of the DJ’s for that matter. I never did and I doubt I ever will. I never understood why some were so keen to triangulate me into their personal lives when we had no common ground other than being at the radio station together. Nor did I feel as though I knew his new girlfriend, at all. I had one full evening with her when we first met, on a social evening with Marcia Carr. And the second time, it was a ‘Hello/Goodbye’ type of encounter, due to me being extremely tired. But we were friends on social media; she seemed nice enough on both occasions, and I certainly didn’t want any more misconstrued ambiguity with my stance on a DJ’s love life and where I sit within it (or ‘not sit’ as the case may be). No wild accusations of jealousy etc. And so I chose the road of ‘if they’re happy, then I’m happy for them’ because, why not?! And in choosing that road, I showed clear interest, and freely shared in his joy and matched his energy to celebrate his new love. That was supposed to be the end of it…

Screenshot_20240904_043207_com.android.gallery3d.jpg

83

Another person who reached out to me upon learning of my departure, was an associate called Edward Adoo. Firstly, I want to make it clear, that as a general overview, I like Edward. But if I'm to lay all out then I can't miss any key steps and as such the following must be included: As you can see from our exchange below, I tried to explain in brief that I had been experiencing racism. I gave one highlighted area, so as to lay out a context of the general tone of the station. but I found my efforts were not believed. What's more, they were quickly pushed back and somewhat dismissed in favour of 'keeping spirits high' with this life changing moment for me being reduced to 'politics' that were readily 'put to the side' in favour of (essentially) starting again somewhere else. Edward may not have known at the time, but his quickness of directional shift in the core matter of conversation between two black individuals made my heart sink to my stomach. Tears fell in me having to once again, realise that the chances of ANYONE caring enough to listen and validate my experience, are not to be expected. Not even from another black person. So, as you can see below; much like my earlier exchange with Jumping Jack Frost, I continued on, in match Edward's stance, and didn't try to convince him further. The conversation beyond what you see involved more of Edward suggesting that I apply to some other radio stations to potentially continue my career and just... "keep smiling"!. There was no care for emotional or mental wellbeing or "are you okay Tutu?" And whilst, in reality; Edward does not have a duty of care for me or anyone beyond his family. As some one who readily answers the call of mainstream media to speak on matters pertaining to racism on a public platform; his initial private dismissal and sweep over response aided in further apprehension and delay in my need and want to come forward for fear of nobody believing me. As you will see down the line, Edward further exacerbates this feeling and sadly, validates my fears.

84

After my departure; in an continued effort of psychological, mind games Gordon Mac, who didn't deem me worthy enough to sit me down in. a meeting to tell me of the stations decision and my new fate. Gordon Mac who pulled my hair; Gordon Mac who told me in the Stephen Lawence Centre "You black people never do nothing!" Gordon Mac whose wife, Debra Mac carried out the act of premeditated common assault on mr in a foreign country; Gordon Mac who quietly made sure my efforts and/or work both personally (my graphic art) and what I had done whilst at the station were not credited to me and thus not acknowledged any of what I had done over six years; the same Gordon Mac who had me immediately kicked out of every single group associated with Mi- Soul and the community of DJ's that I was once a member of; the same Gordon Mac that had never once publicly announced me as the first ever female DJ to help build the station from the ground up: the same Gordon Mac that never thanked me once; The same Gordon Mac who abused both his and my position; the same Gordon Mac who didn't want to validate my work with payment even though my peers in the same spacing were being payed; essentally the same Gordon Mac who encouraged many others to make my experience a racial hell; that Gordon Mac was now continuing his antagonistic approach toward me by 'personally' inviting me to the Mi-Soul events that I was once a part of... Marcia acknowledged that even though she had been gone from Mi-soul for over a year+ that in my removal he had suddenly started inviting her also. She further acknowledged that she had all of a sudden been kicked out of all the groups that prior to my dismissal, she had full access to, even though she was no longer at the station.

84a.

85

One of my DJ associates rang me to say that he had taken a trip to the Stephen Lawrence Centre to visit Mi-Soul for a meeting. He further expressed that he saw Ronnie Herel in the office and had mention "It's sad ,what happened to Tutu." to which Ronnie allegedly replied "I'm not talking about that, we don't mention her in here...".

85

Whilst speaking about the lack of honour of Ronnie Herel and Rosie Coxshaw on a call with D'nyce, I went to their Funky Dory business page on FB, and was shocked to find out that they were now retailing my intellectual property. D'Nyce was just as shocked. I started to wonder, and said to D'Nyce "I think they've stolen my property". This prompted me to seek out my artwork on the IP Office website and sure enough, there they were! They had registered my art work, intellectual property with the inclusion of my actual signature of name (which served as a watermark), and had done so under 40 classes. I screamed out "oh my gosh!" to D'Nyce. "They've taken it D! They've registered my work! They did it 2 days after they received it from me, back in 2018 OMG!!" D'Nyce mentioned that I can now sue them. I said I would, but in that moment I was in too much shock. I said to D'Nyce that I'd never known two people to be so steadfast in desperately trying to destroy someone with just one piece of art work, when all they had to do was simply ‘promote me’ if just for one moment in time. Instead, they’ve stretched out as many ways as possible to disrespect me, dishonour me, undermine me and ridicule me with my own beauty and skill. I also stated the obvious; one of them is a black person operating from the Stephen Lawrence Centre trying his level best to cause harm to another black person, and the other is a woman who shouts from the rooftops about ‘championing women at work’ whilst not honouring her ‘business’ word of promoting a ‘woman at work’ from whom, she required their expertise; to then call said woman to berate her, undermine her work and call her delusional for her fixed price of service, even though Rosie paid less than half for the rendered work, and nobody had asked her for her unqualified opinion on my prices in the first place. Another aspect I touched on in the call is the fact that Rosie prides herself on being an entrepreneur, yet, couldn’t figure out within her business acumen that you can't just go around stealing people’s intellectual property without consequence

In March of 2020; with Covid running rampage, I came back to social media having not posted for close to a year. In coming back, I immediately unfriended Gordon Mac, Mark Smedley, Lloyd Holder and I blocked George Kay with the eventual blocking of the others mentioned above. I didn't work with them any more and for preserveation of what ever was left of my mental state I thought it best to remove myself from them as far as possible. At first many of the DJ's were happy to see my face back on social media. But once I started to do my own radio production of the Tutu@2 show with support form JBL, all of the DJ's removed themselves from engaging with me when my show would go up each eek. A wealth of listeners also seemed to dissipate almost all at the same time. I. It was as if someone or some people had told them to distance themselves from me for what ever negative reason(s)

I maintained some sort of friendship with D'Nyce. I still wanted to express how important it was that we all support each other. I was trying to do so by supporting her, and in fairness; she displayed some level of support as I tried to keep it together and force myself to move forward throughout 2019 and into 2020. I was heading to breakdown but was desperately trying to fight/push back on this reality. D'Nyce would have known of this, considering we spoke often. In 2020 when George Floyd was killed; initially I was not aware as I wasn't looking into the news and don't own a television. It was D'Nyce who called to tell me, some days after. D'Nyce also alerted me a post on Facebook made by Peter Borg whose page I had not otherwise engaged with (ever) on social media. As such, he never appeared on my timeline. But when D'Nyce sent me a screen shot from his post I was enraged at the fact that Peter was presenting himself to as a nobleman in the face of racism, to a public. I went to the post and left a comment also calling him out for his racist joke about black people, Weed and Brixton told some years back in the Stephen Lawrence Centre. Peter Borg's response was to deny the joke, further telling me "Why don't you just do one!" Further to his response, another, white male, long standing listener of Mi-Soul; whom I would've undoubtably entertained over and over in my time at the station replied with "Why don't you just fuck off! You're the fucking racist!" He said so in response to me referring to Mi-Soul as a black station; on account, it's named after a well known black music genre of deep meaning within black history the station exclusively focuses on playing black music, whilst being based in a historically black building (on account of Stephen Lawrence's murder, and his family members continued, tireless efforts in seeking justice and closure, along with knowing my 'genesis' involvement and my quiet efforts to seek justice and closure for myself and others involved, including Stephen. It is hard to articulate the feeling of knowing how everything came to be, to go on the journey that I have been on over decades to come full circle whereby, as a certified victim in all of this; somehow, I am now the one who's referenced as the racist villain and I should just go away. As a side note hit hurth to the core in knowing that D'Nyce knew who I was and of my journey and chose to stay silent in this moment of my online attack within a post that she alerted me to knowing it would likely trigger me, considering; I had told her of Peter Borg's antics and why I do not choose to engage with him in a descent fashion.

In June of 2020, whilst in the world was in the thick of the racial matters surrounding George Floyd’s murder; a broadcaster from within the black media, noticed that Mi-Soul’s social media accounts had not actively acknowledged the #blacklivesmatter new wave campaign. This broadcaster had known Gordon for some years, thus took to social media to call out Gordon Mac for being a serial racist via a series of Facebook lives. Gordon tried to call the said black man, but the broadcaster kept doing his targeted Facebook lives, calling Gordon out for what was perceived as continuous, racist antics. Furthermore, the broadcaster was asking that Mi-Soul DAB put up the banner with the slogan ‘Black Lives Matter’. In Gordon’s reluctance to put up said banner, another of the black Mi-Soul DJ’s (whom I’d previously, spoken to about Gordon’s terrible conduct over the years, on many occasions prior) took to social media in an effort to defend Gordon for not putting up the banner and further stating that Gordon is “not racist” and not putting up the banner is just how Mi-Soul do things. I was appalled, as I knew this DJ couldn’t possibly believe the comments he was posting, knowing what we had discussed on many occasions. Whilst I did not comment, I had a clear theory as to why Gordon was reluctant to put up the banner, in not wanting to draw further attention of hypocrisy to himself and possibly ignite the encouraging of people like me to come forward, and speak up on all that had happened to me whilst at Mi-Soul. In the end Gordon caved as the social media heat was rising online; he put up the banner with the slogan Black Likes Matter.

I was going to speak up and tell everyone what I had experienced at Mi-Soul in the Stephen Lawrence Centre; I spoke to D’nyce on the phone and told her of my plans. I asked if she could back me up? She already had knowledge as to why I came to the Stephen Lawrence Centre in the first place; she was there for quite a few of my experiences, especially with Debra Mac and Gordon (to some degree). And the rest. I would tell her when I got home, sometimes through tears. Unfortunately, when I asked she responded “I didn’t see nothing. I didn’t hear nothing.” I said to her that Gordon cannot save you. He needs you, more than you need him and that he will never give her the accolade that she desires and probably deserves. But she stood on her choice to side with the cocksure of racism. This was and still is majorly disheartening. We’re talking about a person who once told me that she took a degree in black history. D’nyce will post matters of black inequalities regularly. She was the person who had called me to tell me of George Floyds murder. She was the person who sent me the screen shot for Peter Borg’s post. She was the person who told me about the broadcaster calling out Gordon on Facebook and now, she was the person behind closed doors who didn’t see nothing and she didn’t hear nothing either. Basically, in the real world; behind all the online solidarity and hopes for a better tomorrow, I was on my own on this one… Yet again. How will there ever be change if all we do is pretend to care online whilst in real life, we say nothing. Surely at such a point, WE the silent BECOME the problem. There are many people who have suffered greatly at the hands of aggressive racism; physically, psychologically, emotionally, financially and because nobody speaks up when it’s most needed (and not just when it seems apt) they suffer to their grave.

WELCOME

Welcome visitors to your site with a short, engaging introduction. Double click to edit and add your own text.

After my departure, and in an continued effort of Psychological mind games Gordon Mac, who didn't deem me worthy enough to sit me down in. a meeting to tell me of their decision and my new fate. Gordon Mac who pulled my hair; Gordon Mac who told me in the Stephen Lawence Centre "You black people never do nothing!" Gordon Mac whose wife, Debra Mac carried out the act of premeditated common assault on mr in a foreign country; Gordon Mac who quietly made sure my efforts and/or work both personally (my graphic art) and what I had done whilst at the station were not credited to me and thus not acknowledged any of what I had done over six years; the same Gordon Mac who had me immediately kicked out of every single group associated with Mi- Soul and the community of DJ's that I was once a member of; the same Gordon Mac that had never once publicly announced me as the first ever female DJ to help build the station from the ground up: the same Gordon Mac that never thanked me once; The same Gordon Mac who abused both his and my position; the same Gordon Mac who didn't want to validate my work with payment even though my peers in the same spacing were being payed; essentally the same Gordon Mac who encouraged many others to make my experience a racial hell; that Gordon Mac was now continuing his antagonistic approach toward me by 'personally' inviting me to the Mi-Soul events that I was once a part of... Marcia acknowledged that even though she had been gone from Mi-soul for over a year+ that in my removal he had suddenly started inviting her also. She further acknowledged that she had all of a sudden been kicked out of all the groups that prior to my dismissal, she had full access to, even though she was no longer at the station.