FAQ For BWSJ

FAQ For Black Women Seeking Justice.

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SUBTEXT: The Journey to the Stephen Lawrence Centre/Mi-Soul Radio.

Now is a great time to acknowledge and address a longstanding observation; when a woman is the victim of (multiple) crimes that specifically stem from other peoples insecurities; often (but not always when said woman comes forward in seeking justice, she is the one who vilified. Moreover, when the victim is a black woman this can often further exacerbate and hyper-accelerate the need to vilify.

Part of the process of vilifying is to stand by the perpetrator in pointing finger at said victim with a barrage of questions to cast doubt. This is a harmful stance to take on a person who has finally found the strength to come forward for existing harms already brought forward on them. The barrage of questioning typically serves as a clear deterrent to both the person coming forward and to those who are spectating in hopes of themselves, one day coming forward in bringing their abuser to task. Public perceptions hold weight and can make all the difference in a decision one makes. Public perception if used in the wrong way can also aid in keeping the guilty from ever having to be brought to task for their crimes or misconducts.

Trauma & mental health are both very real and are very individual, which means everyone will experience these things in their own way. Most female victims subjected to non physical crimes or individual crimes against humanity find it hardest to come forward due to the scrutiny that occurs along side their confessions and in turn, this festers into trauma of the mind which when left untreated can lead to trauma of the body.

Black women are often plagued with insurmountable levels of trauma caused by high levels of stress brought on by outside spaces of independent insecurities projected on to them. Why? As a general answer I don't know but in speaking of my own experiences I'll answer the following:

I found that in me, just being me; smiling and laughing a lot, not placing open judgement on others; even going as far as simply not placing too much thought on another persons aesthetics when engaging with them. It brought about problems

In me not rolling my neck and waving my finger every five minutes it brought about issue for others.

In me not seeking another's approval for existing, it brings about issue.

For me looking younger for my years it brings about issue.

The idea of men being attracted to me without me openly seeking their desire, it brings about issue.

This is not a debate. Somebody else's real life experience's should not be up for debate. And so whilst one might choose to disagree with some or all of the contents of this page, going down the route of debate is almost certainly a wasted process of thought. A third parties views on the goings on in someone else's life at the hands of yet another third party who chose to project their insecurities onto said person subsequent to the intended demise of said person is not something your after thoughts can effectively factor in to, less you are there as an allie, in the healing process.

Regardless I am aware that as a black woman coming forward with all I have to share and what I intend to do as part of my healing process and in seeking justice, there will be questions and seeing as I am a part of society, I will answer what I consider to be the most frequently asked questions without breaching a pending court case:

WHY DIDN'T YOU COME FORWARD SOONER FOR CRIMES COMMITTED AGAINST YOU IN 1992?

The police had four opportunities to catch my attackers of 1992. there were 3 opportunities on the night of the attack with one of the opportunities being sandwiched in between the verbal abuse, throwing of rocks and glass bottle before the full onslaught of attack took place; and another opportunity at Tower Bridge magistrates court where they managed to arrest two of the

As I specified

WHY DID YOU NOT JUST COME FORWARD ON YOUR OWN?

WHY DIDN'T COME FORWARD SOONER ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU AT THE STEPHEN LAWRENCE CENTRE?

WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST LEAVE THE STEPHEN LAWRENCE CENTRE?

WHAT ARE YOU SEEKING TO GAIN FROM ALL OF THIS?

WHAT MESSAGE ARE YOU TRYING TO SEND OUT TO THE WORLD?

1993 - 2011

Subtext to proposed Litigation: 1992-2011

2012..........................................................

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2012

My DJ career was on a hiatus throughout this year.

There was a retrial for the murder of Stephen Lawrence in which. two men were convicted but all others were free to go. I made a mental note not to watch the trial or follow the media for self preservation. But one particular day; without intention, I saw two of the accused on the screen, who were also two of my attackers; feelings of trauma came back.

I sat my then, romantic partner down and told him everything. Shocked as he was, he insisted that I tell the police. I begged my friend to come forward with me once more in 2012, but she was still too scared to come forward, she sounded mildly distressed on the phone and I couldn't convince her. It was a hard pill for me to swallow but I eventually told myself, I had/have never received justice for all that happened to me in that night of 1992 and I likely, never will. receive the justice. I guess I need to move on. I tnever spoke to my friend about it again; instead, I chose to re-focus on getting back into radio and started looking at options. At the time, I asked my friends to think of me if they come across any radio station's that were note worthy for me.

Gordon Mac and his primary business partner, Martin Strivens founded a new radio station called Mi-Soul Radio. In its years of start-up, the station only transmitted via online

2013..........................................................

2013 (YEAR 1 AT MI-SOUL/STEPHEN LAWRENCE CENTRE)

The Founders of the radio station struck a deal with The Stephen Lawrence Centre in order to house their business in the building. Mi-Soul would adhere to aiding black people and other marginalised groups in particular, young black people through a pledged work placement program for students from said marginalised communities. The radio station DJ’s were initially, largely made up of ex Kiss FM DJ’s, ex BBC DJ’s (both 1xtra and BBC radio 1) ex Jazz FM DJ’s, Capital Radio and Choice FM (Capital Xtra) DJ’s and and a few other music connoisseurs’ such as Jazzy B OBE from Soul II Soul group (Netflix) Melvo Batiste (Glitterbox/Defected Records) and more.

In the first quarter of 2013, I discovered Mi-Soul through a 'connect' suggestion via LinkedIn; I delved further, saw that the station was based in the Stephen Lawrence Centre and quickly applied and was accepted in.

I was not presented with a written contract and it was understood that none of the DJ’s were presented with a contract due the the station being so new. We were effectively building it from the ground up. I was informed that once the station takes full flight then we would. all get paid.

My thoughts at were, I didn't mind at the time as I had another income via my business, and I told myself it was temporary, and I'm still in a position to gain closure from being in the building. There were a lot of positives, so I accepted the verbal terms that were explained to me and came on board as the radio stations first and only female DJ for the best part of one year.

For the first two weeks I had a two shows a week on Tuesday's and Thursday's but my work load else were meant that I could not maintain twice a week (I also had a full time business at the time) So I opted for just Thursdays.

Within the first month Gordon told me that I’m no longer doing Thursday afternoon and that he’s moving me to Friday. Whilst I didn’t appreciate his delivery; citing “two new DJ’s are joining from BBC 1Xtra and they want your show time so you have to move! I'm putting you on Fridays.” I didn’t necessarily mind as I was still in the Centre, and Friday was a good day for my show. My show now started at 2pm.

Gordon Mac also had an on-air show on the Friday at that early stage of the radio stations development. His show was just before mine from 12pm to 2pm which meant he would hand the studio over to me each week.

My outside business for income at that time meant, my clients last minute needs would sometimes overlap/clash with the timing of me having to be live on air at the radio station which would on occasion mean that I arrived 5 minutes or so later than scheduled but mostly on time by the skin of my teeth.

By the summer of the first year of me doing a weekly show at Mi-Soul radio, micro aggressions, goaded by Gordon Mac were starting to form. Even so, Gordon was presenting a friendly exterior to me simultaneous to negative behaviours; he offered me space on the website to promote my business which I declined on account, I didn't want to convolute our respective professional positions.

3] Gordon Mac started referring to me as a "Diva" without rhyme or reason. Being the age that I am and as an ethnic woman of African heritage, having had negative experiences with this labelling in the past, I quietly acknowledged the undertones attached to this word. I tried to dispel the word from being used against me to no avail.

4] In under a year, Gordon started to incorporate the term “trouble” citing things like “she’s beautiful but she’s a headache, she’s trouble that one!” His tone was jovial but the micro aggressive undertones were present. In between the micro aggressions, Gordon kept up a cool, calm demeanour. He wasn't overtly confrontational . He would often refer to me as a "model type" even though I would tell him, I'm not a model.

I was given two personalised jingles for my show, I had one that said: "Tutuuuu.." and another that said "She's hot, she's sassy...It's Tutu!" I didn't want it but I was conscious of the possibility that if I express my dislike for this jingle that I'd just be seen as a "diva" or "trouble" so I said nothing until the opportune moment in year two. I expressed that I don't associate myself with 'hot' and 'sassy' and would rather just be known for the music I play and my personality that I bring to the shows. Keith, the DJ and audio producer who created the jingles, playfully said that he see's me as sassy (sometimes) and so that's why he created the jingle. No new jingles were made and due to the fact that I only had one other jingle that sounded "Tutuuuu" It was a necessity for me to use the 'hot n sassy' jingle for variation over the course of a two hour show.

Spilling into year two, other select members of staff who were yet to become familiar with me in any small or large capacity were now starting to either behave toward me as if to suggest I was trouble or a diva. I was forced into a position of mild defence on a number of occasions with Dave Simpson (Head of Website), in expressing to him that I’m not a diva and that he should stop listening to Gordon because, Gordon doesn't know me on a personal measure, and all things considered, he should kindly refrain from approaching me with his negative stance. I recall Craig Williams (Newly appointed, trainee presenter) being extremely 'off' with me at the beginning of his time at the station. He would say things in a frosty and/or slightly confrontational manner. I knew that he had been influenced by the others because he was being trained by George Kay. George Kay is a daytime presenter on Mi-Soul who wasn't keen to show me grace.

******** As well as the above i was also having to contend with other ad-hoc micro aggressions from other non managerial personnel that were regularly present each Friday, Ronnie Herel (DJ and head of music) , George Kay (Breakfast presenter & share holder), Lloyd E Mix - (CTO of radio station) and Dave Simpson (Head of Radio Station’s Website)********

On one occasion, I was once again delayed due to a matter relating to one of my own company clients in Mayfair but I had informed Gordon ahead of time.

Once I finally arrived at the station, in the midst of me executing my live radio show, Gordon who was still in the studio turned to me and said “My boys don’t fuck with me!” referring to the other, male DJ’s and personnel that had worked under him over the years, whilst passive aggressively hinting to me, to fall in line. I calmly replied “Oh, okay.” I wasn’t sure how to reply as I wasn’t expecting those words from his mouth.

On another occasion, one of my company's clients was in the midst of a sudden reshuffle I needed to engage in a last minute meeting with them held in the morning of the day of my show. Due to an over lapse of meeting time, I couldn’t make it in to the radio station. I called Gordon to explain what was happening in real time and that there was no way that I could come in to do my show on this day due to unfolding developments and unreservedly apologised for letting him down at the last minute but that I’d be there next week as usual, he hung up on me.

Due to Gordon not paying any of the DJ’s coupled with our need to still earn a living elsewhere, on occasions Gordon would have to face issues with some of the DJ’s keeping to schedule, mostly due to us having to skirt around the job that paid in order to do our shows which didn’t pay.

I’m not convinced that Gordon fully understood (or cared) the compromising circumstances of others; he came across as expecting everyone to put him and his company before ‘self’ even if it meant you not being able to pay your own bills as a result.

I was introduced to Gordon Mac’s wife, Debra Macnamee in 2013 (commonly known as Debra Mac). Debra seemingly didn’t hold a formal, on location position within the day to day operations of Mi-Soul radio station at the Stephen Lawrence Centre, but she would come in from time to time to show support for her husband’s business. I wasn’t overly familiar with her other than to maintain cordial pleasantries.

As the first year carried through, I noticed a slight, non verbal frostiness from Debra Mac, Gordon’s wife. I would ignore these moments and would exit the radio station quickly so as to avoid any confrontation when she was there.

10] Peter Borg is a male Caucasian DJ/presenter for Mi-Soul who identifies as He/Him. Peter’s show would/does go live in the evening hours on a Tuesday.

One Friday, he came into the radio station’s office in the mid-afternoon in need to speak with Gordon about a work related matter. On this same day Debra Mac also came in to visit her husband in the office and brought their dog.

When I finished my show, for a small time, I stuck around in the office to better acquaint myself with Peter Borg as we had never met before and I had just been introduced to him.

Before long, I found myself sat around a desk with Ronnie, Lloyd, Debra, Dave, Peter. I was eating grapes whilst the others were eating pizza that Debra had bought, which I declined in offer of a slice. I was casually teased for not eating the pizza in suggesting that I was too posh for pizza, sensing a certain volatile atmosphere, I laughed and tried to play cool with everyone who were ‘seemingly’ relaxed with one and other.

The group’s conversation steered toward their experiences of Brixton over the years. I had affiliations with Brixton so I remained quiet and just listen to them. Peter then made a joke Everyone laughed except for me. Lloyd and Peter looked at me with Lloyd saying “Oh, it’s just a joke Tutu!” I was uncomfortable. I planned an inconspicuous and polite exit from the conversation and building, wishing everyone a nice weekend with a smile as I went.

I was still facing micro aggressions of frostiness with undertones of misogyny from Gordon placed under the umbrella of "just joking Tutu" Also, select other personnel such as Lloyd and George Kay

On another occasion in the latter part of the first year, Lloyd E Mix, Dave Simpson and Gordon Mac gave me a collective, aggressive verbal scolding in the main office.

I said, live on air that "there are two clocks in the studio with different times, I'm not sure which one is correct’. Once my show had finished, and I came to make a coffee in the office the men mentioned above were angered on the matter of me mentioning the clock defects on air. I didn’t think the matter warranted their level of aggression and I calmly said so, stating that “I’d be sure not to say that again but “can we all just relax guys it’s not that serious.” They relaxed after about 10 minutes of giving me a non swearing, yet aggressive, verbal shakedown. I found it to be highly intimidating and extremely uncomfortable.

At the end of my first, full active year on Mi-Soul, I asked Gordon if he was happy with my shows? He replied in telling me “You’re the right look...” I turned to him in asking if he understood the question I had just asked, adding “it’s radio?! Looks don’t much come into it. I’m asking on the content of my show”

With a passive aggressive tone, Gordon replied “Like I said… you’re the right look!’

I said nothing and just carried on with my show.

Summery of Grievance 2013:

Misogyny

Racism

Sexism

Bullying/Discrimination

2014..........................................................

2014 (YEAR 2 AT MI-SOUL/STEPHEN LAWRENCE CENTRE)

Gordon Mac disengaged from calling me a "diva" but maintained calling me ‘trouble’ and would confidently say so to other personnel including new staff that would arrive throughout the years of my being there. I would sometimes challenge his choice of words by calmly saying, I'm not trouble, why are you calling me that?

It wasn't only Gordon who was suggesting that I was trouble. George Kay was also telling selective other personnel the same when I was not in the building. This would sometimes carry an undesired effect in my dynamics with some of my peers due to wrongfully influenced, first impressions, which in turn added an internal paranoia to my overall experience over time with many of my peers; I wasn't sure who had been told 'what' about me.

But I was always nice to all who I came across in the building, I always gave them a smile.

In the summer of 2014, The director’s wife, Debra Mac took to starting to refer to me as “fruit and Nut” as part of a continuous effort to convince me that my disposition was defected in one way or another and that i might be a little bit crazy. I rejected what I considered to be her gas-lit advances, with added care as to not draw any conflict. Regardless, she would continue, eventually going as far as introducing me to other people of influence and key listeners of the station as either “crazy” or “trouble”. I found myself constantly having to reintroduce myself in a better light than she was willing to afford me.

1Mark Smedley is a Caucasian, male presenter at the radio station who identifies as’He/Him’. Mark Smedley also maintained the primary occupation of a police officer and had done so for over fifteen years. Mark is married to a woman of mixed heritage and has several children with said wife as well as other children of mixed heritage from previous relationships with two women of Caribbean descent.

On one Friday after my show had ended. I came into the main office space. Mark, who was sat at one of the desks casually asked me if I was deejaying at any clubs for that weekend, I told him I was and reciprocated the question. He told me that he had a family dinner at a restaurant later that evening to which, I responded with “That sounds lovely!”

He told me that it would not be lovely and that he would be left "footing the bill as usual". He went on further to explain that his father in law (Wife’s dad) was always lumbering him with the bill.

Empathetically, I replied “Perhaps your wife’s dad just doesn’t have any money right now but still wants to spend time with his family”

Mark replied “No that’s not it! He’s Nigerian! You know what they’re like?! Always freeloading, never wanting to pay for anything. They’re spongers, always looking for a freebie!”

I was shocked and embarrassed by what he had just said to me..

Mark, who was not too familiar with me at this point, did not know that I’m Nigerian. In that moment, I disclosed my Nigerian heritage to which he replied “Are you? Oh I thought you were Jamaican! Well you’re different… I wasn’t talking about you Tutu.”

I further suggested that perhaps my entire family are as he described Nigerian’s, along with all other Nigerians in the world; just, not me?! He would eventually turn red whilst apologising for his xenophobic/racist remark.

As a side note: I was not aware of his wife’s heritage prior to the above exchange. I don’t know how old she is or what the remaining breakdowns of her heritage is, where they live or any of her private information other than that she is half Nigerian, and only due to the above exchange in question.

At this stage of 2014, It was understood by me; coming in to do my shows each Friday, I never knew if I’d be met with a frostiness or warmth from other personnel, with the exclusion of Shereen Beckett (who was brought in as office administration at the tail end of 2014) she always afforded me a chirpy smile and verbal greet. But with all else, rarely were my bubbly “hello’s” matched with the same energy whether I came in 30 minutes before my show start or 15 minutes or 5 minutes to the top of the hour. I had to mentally brace myself to ignored the atmosphere and get on with it/ Make a Coffee and head straight to the studio.

Just under a year into my time at Mi-Soul a second female DJ called Marcia Carr was brought into the station’s fold and was given a Monday daytime show. Marcia is a black female who identifies as ‘Her/She’ she is approximately 57 years old.

Whilst Marcia Carr presented her first on air radio show on Mi-Soul’s platform, Marcia decided undermined me by verbally ‘welcoming’ me to the radio station as though, it was I who was new to the station even though I had been there for a year prior. Gordon didn’t correct her behaviour toward me and as a result she would maintain a level of passive aggression. She would troll me on social media, mostly Facebook. It was clear that Gordon could see the dynamic Marcia was trying to force on me but yet, did nothing. I insisted on maintaining a friendly disposition in accounting for my own conduct until I couldn’t any more in which case, I merely stopped engaging with Marcia for over a period of one year. I managed to avoid verbal conflict.

October 2014

In October, my father passed away, I emailed Gordon and needed to take some time away. (4 weeks) I also abandoned my cake business, as I found it hard to continue with this new shift of family dynamics.

Gordon who knew my family bereavement circumstances at this time, still gave management at Mi-Soul a green light to replace my photograph on the website’s homepage, as the only female DJ in a carousel of the stations highlighted DJ’s with a photograph of the only other female DJ present on the station, Marcia Carr. I wasn’t informed prior, or on my return back to my show four weeks later. I looked on the website, saw the change and in noticing the absence of my photograph and the presence of Marcia’s, I asked one of the management as to why they saw fit to take such action? Lloyd replied with a nonchalant response of “sometimes we might do that”. But, out of approximately 10 photographs of various key DJ’s my photograph was the only one that was replaced..

Gordon Mac made continued efforts to pit Marcia and I against each other through conduct of passive aggression.

He was offering Marcia more promotional, ‘paid’ work as a DJ for events whilst I would be laughed at when I asked him for consideration of the same jobs, prior to any offer he presented to Marcia. He ignored the fact that I’d been working for the radio station for longer and without pay. Nonetheless, prior to my having to ignore Marcia’s passive aggression, I made sure that any success extended to her was openly praised by me even if I was not afforded the same grace.

Mi-Soul had its first Christmas party at a nightclub called Trapeze in Shoreditch in December of 2014. I was openly sniggered at on the night by both Gordon and Peter Borg at any given opportunity through the latter part of the night. When I came in on the Friday of that same week to do my show Gordon referenced that I “danced like a white woman!” and that’s why they were laughing. Considering I was once a professional Hip Hop dancer, I recognised that he was attempting to extend more racist based, micro aggression in trying to make me less confident in my identity as a black woman in addition to his efforts encourage my engagement in racist conversation.

Summery Of Grievance 2014:

Bullying/Discrimination

Misogyny

Racism

2015 (YEAR 2 AT MI-SOUL/STEPHEN LAWRENCE CENTRE)

Shereen Beckett is a female of ethnic (Caribbean) heritage with a friendly disposition. She identifies as She/Her and joined the stations administration team in 2015. She was quickly promoted to a permanent ‘makeshift’ office manager, almost acting as Gordon’s right hand man (assistant). She had a paid role and was the first full time female personnel.

Every Monday, Mi-Soul management would have weekly meetings. Personnel in attendance at these meetings were:

Gordon Mac (Director/Partner)
Martin Strivens (Director/Partner)
George Kay (Presenter)
Mark Smedley (Presenter/Radio station imaging)
Ronnie Herel (DJ/Presenter/Head of Music)
Lloyd E Mix (CTO)
Shereen Beckett (Office Administrator)
Dave (Web Developer)

23] When I first met Shereen, she was as enthusiastic as ever toward me. She let it be known to me that she’d been listening to my Friday shows prior to her recruitment and like most, she loved them, and looked forward to a weekly helping of the ‘Tutu@2’ radio shows. Shereen once said to me. “I always look forward to your shows every Friday!” So much so that she thought it made sense for me to have a daily show as opposed to weekly. Shereen’s opinion on this matter was a popular one amongst many of the DJ’s and listeners. People would constantly ask why I wasn’t on every day? Due to my lively, on air personality and presence.

Throughout the years many DJ’s who didn’t generally listen to the station beyond their own shows would tell me that they listen in to my shows to learn how to present in a better fashion and be more natural in their tone. They constantly told me they found my shows to be warm, funny and entertaining; these acknowledgements were what would fuel me to keep going, along with the fact that I got on with most of the DJ’s, there was a mutual respect, apart from some that might be under the heavy influence of Gordon and the daytime crew. Some of the DJ’s would be so happy every time they saw me, “Tuuutuuu! Hey cutie!” they’d say. It felt nice and somewhat, made up for the negative experiences and dynamics with others through a prejudice campaign led by Gordon Mac.

Shereen informed me that she’d regularly ask and or suggest in the weekly office meetings that my on-air time be increased, and that it would aid the stations overall growth, stating that the people really liked me and my shows but in doing so, she would be scoffed at and the idea of my on air presence being increased would be frowned upon.She would often display confusion to me as to why my skillsets and high energy were not being used more efficiently for a growth of the station.

It was no secret that the stations listenership was growing, and I wanted to be a key player at the station and wasn’t shy in letting this be known to shereen and asked her to put it forward in the meetings.

However, Shereen disclosed to me on a later date that George Kay told her to stop asking about me and that “Tutu will never have a Monday to Friday show!”

There was now a third black female DJ who had joined the Mi-Soul team called DJ DNyce (Denise Campbell) Denise identifies as Her/She. Once we eventually met, we hit it off and got along straight away.

June 2015:

27] The Micro aggressions continued…

Less than flattering photographs of me were being used to officially promote me online. It got to a point that people would meet me in person and say things like “Gosh you’re much prettier in person! You need to ‘shoot’ the photographers for Mi-Soul! Why are they putting up such horrid pictures of you?” Any good photographs of me that I remember taking through Mi-Soul’s photographers never saw the light of day and were never given to me.

29] Scrunched up sweet wrappers were put in my afro by George Kay, Mark Smedley and Dave Simpson.

There was a running joke that my hair was a wig (it’s not), and it was becoming clearer, that even though Mi-Soul were happy to use promotional images of women with afros, my afro hair-do was a point of contention amongst a select few in the office.

Mi-Soul station finally managed to get over the line in obtaining its DAB (Digital Audio Band) license and was now Mi-Soul DAB radio station eventually going out in London, Brighton and Manchester and Glasgow.

Even though I had endured some highly, humiliating moments, I hid my feelings of shame and thoughts of confusion; instead my outward disposition maintained was chirpy. I was still, mostly appreciated by a large number of my fellow DJ colleagues who were none the wiser of how I was being treated by management and some of the day time staff due to the other DJ's having shows at different times and some of them never needing to come into the building in the daytime or on a Friday.

Mi-Soul held a DAB license party where ALL the DJ’s would finally meet each other. It was a nice affair and I got to see how much so many of the other DJ’s whose shows intrigued me and others who appreciated my on air presence and the quick wit humour.

32] Earlier in year 2013, Gordon was unexpectedly alerted to my additional graphic design/artist skillsets,. He attempted to get Dave Simpson to coax me to provide free art work for the radio stations new look website "She's a great illustrator!" Gordon said to Dave, whilst I was in the office one Friday afternoon. I declined in providing free graphic/art work. Instead I created a blog for them.

July 2015:

In the third quarter of 2015, an open slot became available for a Saturday 6am to 9am morning, breakfast show. Gordon suggested me for the show and I took up the offer in the hopes for more exposure etc. In addition, I used this opportunity to aid Keith Jackson.

Keith Jackson is a black male DJ who had once held a show at the radio station. At that time, he also was the personnel responsible for providing Mi-Soul radio with all of it’s audio imaging (Jingles, Sweepers, technical donuts etc.) He was feeling neglected at this time due to losing his one and only on-air show earlier that year relegating him to simply doing the job of audio editing in the office.

Based on our conversations, I already knew he was upset by the circumstance of not having a show, so I humbly suggested to Gordon that Keith and I do a duet show together on the Saturday morning slot, which would provide him the opportunity to get back on air. Gordon Mac ’laughingly’ agreed for Keith to duet with me saying “this will be interesting…”. I asked him what he meant and he replied “it won’t work, but… okay!” I simply thought Gordon was being his usual unsupportive self so I went ahead as planned.

I knew Keith was slightly quirky but I knew nothing more than that and didn't think more into his sometimes off beat personality traits. I was NOT made aware of Keith Jackson’s history of mental health by management prior to agreeing to doing a live show with him on this new Saturday morning show, whereby only he and I would be present in the entire building due to office closures on weekends.

On the morning of Saturday 18th July 2015 I arrived later than the show start time due to lack of transport in such an early time of the morning (6am show start time) but all involved new this would be the logistical case .

When I did arrive to the studio, Keith was already bubbling under and would very quickly find himself in the throws of a mental and emotional melt down. He started an outburst of what I can only describe as the highest level of violent roars and shouting whilst adamantly pointing at me, swearing viciously whilst accusing me of undermining him, although I wasn’t aware what for. I tried to calm him down to no avail and soon informed him that he was scaring me but this had no effect as he continued to bellow more profanities and eventually stormed out of the studio, bashing, slamming and punching doors and walls as he went with zero warrant. I tried once more to calm him down but no luck. In his studio absence, I didn’t know what to do and was forced to maintain an on air show on my own trying to mask my state of fear whilst going live; Keith had left the studio but was still in the building. I saw him in the office during a segment of scheduled adverts in the show, he was breathing extremely heavily and his eyes were wet and red from crying; my fear ramped up even more but I did my best not to show him as I backed out of the office without saying a word. The aggression stopped only when the next presenter arrived for their 9a.m. start of show at which point they saw my startled look and asked me if I was okay? I replied yes, even though I wasn’t, for fear of an unknown escalation beyond everyone’s control.

After the show ended, I went outside with a coffee and a cigarette. A now, calm demeanour Keith emerged through the exit doors where I was stood. Knowing that I never wanted to do a show with him ever again, I seized the moment to calmly tell him that he can have the show, citing that I already have a Friday show and I wouldn’t be able to make it that early in the morning every Saturday any way so it’s fine. He said thank you. I also let him know that I wouldn’t tell Gordon of what happened but Keith replied in saying that he had already informed Gordon. Confused at how he would have explained his behaviour to another, I asked him what he told Gordon? He replied “I already messaged him while the show was going on. I told him that you were acting up and so I had to put you in your place.”

“Whaaaat??! Are you serious right now?” I replied.

“Yes!” He said

“Keith, you attacked me in the studio with no good reason at all, how dare you speak of ‘??!” But Keith started visibly sweating and started up with more aggression and swearing as he hurriedly walked away in a storm. I didn’t try to stop him.

Even though there are camera’s in the studio which ‘ linked back to Gordon’s home viewing, I proceeded to write an email with a report of the happenings of that morning and sent it to Gordon via email. Even though I knew i had not done anything wrong both in my being verbally attacked by keith and in writing an email to Gordon, I knew that the culture of the work space meant that I needed to be careful not to be accused of being the antagonist or being a "Diva" whilst putting the very serious point across. I chose my words carefully so as to not draw extra, negative attention to myself. I knew Gordon wouldn't openly stand up for my safety so I pre-empted as a way to feel better about knowing so but still quietly hoped he would.

I received no reply from Gordon to a point; I had to bring the matter back to the forefront in person the following Friday when I arrived to do my usual Friday slot, show. I approached Gordon and asked if he received my email report?

He casually replied “Yeah, I got it.”

I looked at him confused at his lack of concern and further added, “it was as though Keith became someone else”, reiterating how angry and aggressive he was in the moment, to which Gordon casually yet confidently replied, “Yeah, I know… he had a melt down.”

I looked at him in shock in replying “Oh! You know?”

He replied once again, “yeah” in a casual tone.

“How did you know?” I asked, “Has he had them before?”

“Yeah,”

Gordon Mac continued to tell me "you were probably being a Diva and Keith had a reaction" I calmly stated to him that I neither “demanded” or “commanded” anything from the radio station space of work or any of it’s personnel”, Assuming these are key characteristics of a Diva. I continued, "for the most part, I come i do my show, have a coffee and a cigarette, provide you all with some quick-fire laughs at the end, and I leave until the next Friday…” I calmly and quietly asked that he kindly refrain from labelling me or encourage others to label me as a 'diva' as it had zero correlation with my disposition and I found it to be uncomfortable. I then directed my attention back to the incident“Is this what you meant when you said it won't work?

Gordon gave me another “yeah” as he walked off in a nonchalant manner, completely disregarding the severity of the matter, he just disengaged.

I was not informed as to what forward procedures and measures were taken if any.
I was not informed of what to do should something of this nature happens in operating hours again.
I was given zero reassurance that the above episode would not happen again
I was given zero empathy and or understanding on a professional nor private level
I am unaware as to whether Keith was apprehended, but from an outward perspective no measures were seemingly taken in reference Keith’s tendency to have meltdowns in the building. Keith, went on, in continuing to do the Saturday morning shows for a further three years only being taken off air when Gordon needed the show time for another more desirable DJ.

A couple of weeks after the incident as my prerogative, I was re-telling the happenings of that Saturday morning to a colleague, Marcia Carr in the office. Gordon, was in earshot and interjected, sternly telling me with a threatening tone “leave It! Don’t speak about it!”. This was the most he had ever said to me on the matter in regards to how it was to be dealt with "Leave it"

This complete above episode made me feel vulnerable in a number of ways.

A continued feeling of no protection against abuse.
If I were to try and protect myself, I would be accused of aggression and not looked at as a victim trying to avoid harm.
Up until that point, I had not thought about being viciously, physically attacked but from then on, I was quietly paranoid. It seemed Gordon’s was showing, there is no protection for me against any more possible physical abuse that may occur in future and there isn't any HR department to run to.

Gordon stopped calling me Diva but was still introducing me as “trouble” to new (male) DJ’s, and Debra Mac was still trying to convince me and others, I was ‘crazy…’

At one point, in the studio, Gordon Mac told me, I was “cold hearted”, mostly due to the fact that he and others from middle management had made numerous attempts to get a negative reaction from me but; I would ignore.

November 2015:

Select Mi-Soul DJ's received an email invitation of extended complimentary tickets to a private screening of 'Black Panthers: Vanguard of The Revolution’ on the 17th November. at Regent Street Cinema. This screening was a documented study into the black power movement after Martin-Luther King and Malcom X’s death, focusing on the role of the black panther’s, in helping African Americans within this historical timeline of racism. There were quite a few notable black British figures in attendance such as Diane Abbot etc.

I was granted a plus one amongst other select personnel from the Mi-Soul radio, and brought along a female friend by the name of Fola.

Fola is a ethnic woman from Nigerian heritage and identifies as She/Her. There was a drinks reception before the screening. I (reluctantly) introduced Gordon Mac to Fola as a formal etiquette, Gordon confidently addressed Fola by responding with the following:

"You look like a black girl I used to fuck!”

Both Fola and I were aghast at what he said. I screeched out “Goooordon!” as a reflex but Gordon just sniggered as he shrugged it off.

My friend and I were seated with Ronnie Herel and Dave Simpson. Fola decided to quickly go and purchase more drinks before the documentary started in this time, Ronnie Herel looks over to me and asks the question “Explain your hair?!”

Confused, I replied “Ronnie, It’s an afro! You’re black so you should know what that is.”

“But I don’t have any hair left so you know, it’s been a while” he said; going on he ask “can I run my fingers through it though??” at this point both him and Dave were sniggering at my hair and his comments. I calmly looked at the both of them and replied “Don’t you run your fingers through your wife’s hair? Why are you asking me about mine?!”

Ronnie replied, “my wife is Caucasian and so her hair is different”.

I looked on in saying “that’s the choice you made in life. Please do not make your choices my problem.” At which point, Fola returned, Ronnie acted as though nothing had just happened and the Black panther documentary started.

After we left, I spent the remainder of the evening apologising to Fola for Gordon Mac's conduct and remark toward her. I also told her what Ronnie had said to me whilst she was gone.

24]At this time, the dynamics between myself, Gordon and daytime personnel was unfolding as follows:

On my own assertive merit, I had already contributed above and beyond that of being a radio presenter.
I'd struck an exclusive deal with XXL hip hop magazine based in New York’s Staten Island. This aided in tapping into XXL’s vast social media for awareness and followers for the benefit of Mi-Soul Radio station on a global reach, through my weekly Friday shows. (XXL have 9.1M on Instagram, 2.6M on Facebook, 4.8M on X/Twitter)
I created a feature called ‘. Gordon was extremely nonchalant about my acquired partnership with XXL and even though they had a huge social media following, Gordon’s attitude presented my efforts back to me as though the feature was a burden for the station and didn’t make efforts to support it. As a result, the feature lasted a mere 4 weeks before it was canned, due to lack of in-house support.
Mi-Soul needed content for it's website so I started a review blog called ‘The World According to Tutu’
I created a visual cover for their website , and each week, I'd attend and review events and restaurants around London that I had sourced on my own, whilst simultaneously striking deals with each featured establishment to provide complimentary tickets/meals for the listeners of my show on Mi-Soul radio each week.
In addition, I made arrangements to provide a cross promotion of platforms between the blog associated establishment for that week; usually, one with a more established following I.e, '41 Mayfair' or 'Gilgamesh' who offered up their highest, most expensive table for the Mi-Soul listener through yet feature devised by me called "Tutu's Tuck Shop". I gave away complimentary dining experiences, tickets and a bottles of Champagne all through the live show each Friday afternoon.
The above strategy, provided solid web content and live on air content for listener engagement.
At the time, my show was the only show on the radio station that was doing extra curriculum, solely attributing and directly engineering a portal for additional listeners from numerous spaces beyond what was being garnered locally.
I received no praise from management, no thank you or acknowledgment for these efforts, instead, certain of management would scrutinise and question me on how I was acquiring my contacts. In the end, this promotional feature waned due to the lack of support.
I was not given open support for my extended efforts; however, Mi-Soul/Gordon Mac was secretly using my presence for maximum commercial and advertising gain for the station. He would instruct others to attempt to take photographs of me whilst I was in the studio to use as their sales & marketing material in the hopes of a greater chance to obtain commercial, brand & advertising deals. As an female of ethnicity, with an afro ,who also twas the youngest ‘looking’ presenter at that time, I was the perfect aesthetics for Mi-Soul's, long term agenda, especially with them being in the Stephen Lawrence Centre. On a surface level, I look(ed) like a face representing the ‘up and coming black youth’ transitioning into professional life, which aligns with the Centres ethos.
These photographs were being taken on-the-fly and without my knowledge of their use. Whenever I asked what the photographs were being used for, I was given vague mumbles of answers, I remember I was used in a photograph with Ronnie Herel, I asked what the photograph was for and was told it was for an article but I never saw the photograph again. George Kay also came in to take a photograph of me and would say the same thing rather than to say, my photographs were a key aid for the stations growth in commercial sales. After the photograph with Ronnie Herel didn't show up in any articles anyway, I suspected what was going on and stopped them taking photographs of me. Gordon continued to send various personnel into the studio in efforts to still try and coax me into taking photographs whilst my shows were underway.
Any sniffle of mistakes I made (which would be considered minor in the world of professional radio) were highlighted as macro and used as rationale for my lack of inclusion/progression.
When I questioned the RAJAR figures, Shereen privately eluded to the idea, I was one of the highest ranking daytime shows but Gordon wouldn't let me see the breakdown of figures.

Summery of Grievance:

Sexism

Racism

Misogyny

Discrimination/bullying

2015......................

2016......................

2016 (YEAR 3 AT MI-SOUL/STEPHEN LAWRENCE CENTRE)

Like all other DJ's, I was led to believe payment for shows was imminent due to our newly instated DAB license, adverts were flowing and the station was now taking to live events across England with a newly instated annual event in Ibiza.

In this new time line, the radio station was changing its music content for the daytime as well as schedule format. No longer were the Monday to Friday daytime shows distributed on a balance of one show per DJ all day every day. Instead, daytime format was uniformed and stripped out Monday through to Friday from 6am to 7pm when the official evening specialist music shows would begin with varied DJ’s scheduled day by day Monday through Friday and all day and night on the Saturday and Sunday. There was one presenter doing the breakfast show every morning, Monday to Friday; one presenter for the mid morning show etc. In tandem, Monday to Friday daytime radio shows were now play listed; I was no longer allowed to play my own records and we were all working from a computerised studio, myriad system (software for audio studios).

Even though the stations daytime schedule was now stripped out, it was agreed that my weekly Friday show should be the only singular show to remain in place. At the time I thought, it was due to all the hard work I had put in and my shows popularity finally paying off. I thought I was soon to be paid and all of the humiliations would go away and the next chapter would begin through my work and a quiet respect for my creative skillsets. I later realised this was not the case. and that I was being used for as many resources as management could squeeze from me for their longterm gain.

Brian Bogle, another daytime DJ who I had a great working relationship with, brought to my attention that I was the only of the day time presenters, not being paid, though I was having to follow the same on-air rules as all the other daytime presenters. I questioned this disparity with Gordon and was told that “there’s not enough budget at this time” and that "none other of the specialist DJ’s were being paid". But I WAS NOT a "specialist DJ"; I did NOT play specialist music provided by self, I was a pre-scheduled, play-listed, daytime show like the rest of the daytime throughout the week. I had to abide by the exact same on-air daytime rules as everyone else through the week with regard to playlist. But Gordon would use this as a faux excuse.

Within my daytime play-listed shows, I was given less of everything; less jingles for my daytime show to sound thoroughly professional, less variety of music on a pre-planned radio playlist that I had zero creative control over, like all else in the daytime.

There were many times when I would be playing the same rotation of 'B Class' music as the week previous, usually a less engaging slower or predictable selection. These selections would negatively stand out, due to zero correlation with a vibrant and lively Friday afternoon show which everyone had come to expect and love me for. I created a new slogan "The weekend starts early from 2pm every Friday with Tutu@2!" But I got no backing for promotion etc. I eventually complained about the lazy choice of music selection specific to my show when it got overbearing and was glaringly obvious that this was being done on purpose.

Ronnie Herel was Head of Music for the station. Every time I brought my repeated playlist to his attention, he acted as though he knew nothing of why it would be repeating even though he was the one putting my playlist’s together. I was told, the system just randomly selects. I had to work harder to bring forth an engaging show to compensate for a shortfall of the station's technical production lacking on my Friday afternoons.

I stopped asking for additional jingles or a better selection of music and gave more of my personality to redress the balance.

March 2016:

The Radio Station had its first ticketed Yacht party featuring DJ’s from Mi-Soul. This was my first DJ booking via Mi-Soul. Denise Campbell was also booked with a selection of other Mi-Soul DJ’s. Denise and I bonded further through this event and all the DJ’s had a great time.

Debra Mac constantly mocked my dancing in the latter part of the event. Suggesting that I was acting barbaric. i smiled saying "you should get into the spirit more and dance".

Denise Campbell(DJ Personnel gave me a lift home after the boat party. On route, in the car I asked her how she felt about being at Mi-Soul seeing as neither of us had received a payment for our on-air shows yet, she replied, “I trust Gordon, he’ll get us there…He’s white isn’t he?! Plus, he’s the founder of Kiss FM. He’s done it before; he’ll do it again” I asked her what she meant in saying “he’s white isn’t he?!”

She replied “you know what I mean…” and continued driving.

One week later, Denise let me know that she and all other DJ’s were paid for their DJ services provided for the yacht party. I did not get paid. I did not enquire further with Gordon on the matter for the following reason's:

I believed that me, not being paid was yet another intentional attack from Gordon on my confidence and psychological well being.
I believed that he wanted an altercation with me which was not something I wanted to partake in to jeopardise my placement at the Stephen Lawrence Centre.
I was afraid that Gordon would find a way to twist anything that I would say as a way to remove me from Mi-Soul and by extension, the Stephen Lawrence Centre.

Gordon made sure to engage with another of the DJ’s from the yacht party in asking them if they’d received their payment for Deejaying at said boat party; he did so in front of me, so as to make sure I knew others were being paid and that it was just I, who was being left out.

June 2016:

A new Deejay had joined the station some months earlier. His name is Brian Power. Brian is a white male in his 60's who identifies as ‘He/Him’

The story that Brian had told me at the time, was that he’d met Gordon and Ronnie Herel at a festival and was strongly affiliated with the music business as a self taught DJ so it made sense to bring him on board at Mi-Soul.

As time went on, stories on Brian and his true affiliation and positioning at the station would change. It soon became clear that Brian wasn’t previously in the industry rather, he had effectively struck a deal with Gordon and had paid a substantial amount in order to pave his way into the station through funding a portion of it’s operations and in return he would suddenly be made a superstar DJ.

Much later down the line (a year later) it was also revealed that Brian is an ex convict with his son still in Prison for bank robbery (possibly armed robbery).

Being relatively new to the radio station and keen to make a good impression, Brian seemingly hadn’t yet been influenced by the toxic cultures there within; he was more inclined to give big hugs to everyone and show us what a happy and friendly man he was.

Through coming on board Mi-Soul, Gordon provided Brian with a fast-track access to global house music producers, and even though he himself was not a music producer, Brian started a music production company, with the help of actual producers.

He was to release his first track and needed artwork for his release, which is where I came in.

Brian Power enquired about needing a creative graphic designer, and, asked for me to provide him with a graphics solution. I readily took him up on the offer. I charged him ‘mates rates’ because at that time, I was still trying to build a portfolio to further excel the graphics side of my career in the music industry and was focused more on exposure than the fee for remuneration. I only charged him £200 and in return, provided him with a finished piece of work based on what Brian specifically asked for, a "fist with lightning" for the artwork accompanying his track release.

He was pressing me for deadline in saying that this track has an exact release date and he was in a hurry. I had 3 weeks to complete along side other matters on the go.

On Friday 24th of June I had completed Brian's commissioned artwork and sent through the high res JPeg at 09:10 BST on email. I then headed out to go to a club in west London for a pre arranged meeting in regard to me being booked for a DJ gig the following weekend.

Once received, Brian Power immediately left his home and drove down to the radio station in excitement. He burst through the office door to show everyone in the office his artwork. 'Everyone' being;

Shereen Beckett
Gordon Mac
Mark Smedley
Ronnie Herel
George Kay

Brian said "I got exactly what I asked Tutu for".

Around this same timeline of the year, I had quietly found a way around having to confront what I believed to be Gordon's mind games by taking my DJ career into my own hands and was receiving gigs independently, for other clubs around London, away from the radio stations events, and I was doing well.

On the same day of the 24th June, when I arrived in the station Gordon was seemingly angry as soon as I came into the studio where he was I felt a frostiness and asked if he was OK? He looked at me saying with a stern, authoritative tone "I want to speak to you after your show!"

I calmly replied '"Okay" and got on with my show.

Shereen came into the studio whilst my show was in mid-flow and looked at me with a mistrustful and cagey glare. I felt the heat under my collar which prompted me to ask her if she had seen the work I had completed for Brian to which she stated "Yes! Everyone's seen it! Brian came running in the building as soon as he got it!'". She went on in saying "I didn't know you could do that?!"

I feeling of guilt was being imposed on me on account of everyone now knowing more of my abilities.

Once my show was finished i arrived at Gordon's desk as he had asked. I received yet more resentment and envy with Gordon suggesting/questioning if I even cared about the station and that I don't care about the other DJ's. “How can you say that to me, I’ve been here for the best part of 3 years and have showed up consistently for my shows without pay!” Gordon looked sheepish and quickly apologised for his words.

Once my chat with Gordon was over, I went outside for a coffee and a cigarette as I would normally do after my show. When i came back in to pack up and go Mark Smedley was alone in the office. He looked at me sheepishly saying "I feel stupid! i can't do what you do Tutu!'

I felt very uncomfortable but found a way to comfort him in saying " I knew you would think that. I wish Brian hadn't come marching in with the artwork!" I further said that he "shouldn't feel stupid in any way at all!" I explained that I studied art and that if he would like, I can show him a few quick tricks on the computer at a later date. I said all with a smile.

Regardless, I’m not sure who influenced Brian Power, but once the office saw the extent of my abilities and I left the building that day, my art for his track release never saw the light of day again. I looked out for it with pride as my first piece of work for the music industry but Brian Power stalled his release of track. I asked him where the track was? He gave me a mumbling, thin answer of something around "change of dates". I quietly assumed Gordon had got to him and steered him away. Eventually, the track was released and I saw, my art was scrapped for a completely different artistic direction.

It wasn't until 2018 that I was informed that it was another Mi-Soul personnel called Andrea Britton, Mi-Soul PR at that time, who had done the graphics that was used to promote the track release. But in 2016, I didn't know and once again, I did not query it, I didn't want the headache, and I was still in a mind space where I needed to keep my stay at the Stephen Lawrence centre and thought, I could rise above all that was being thrown at me in order to make my being there count for the longterm.

On the 27th June 2016 Mi-Soul DAB had its open air, anniversary celebrations which took place in London Bridge along the South Bank. This event started a signature chain of successful, weekly events at the same location on a Sunday called 'Mi-Soulful Sundays' . These were free music based social events. that were held every Sunday at the same location. The event grew in popularity expeditiously due to the wacky and highly contagious energy of a highly skilled Mi-Soul DJ by the name of Brian Bogle.

Brian Bogle is a black male who identified as He/Him and held the Monday to Thursday’s 2pm to 4pm whilst I would take over on the Friday. Brian was the only DJ/presenter from the weekday line up who didn't partake in the bullying and misogyny. Brian and I would have a great laugh and banter in the studio, so much so that he asked if I would join forces with him and do a duet show , Monday through Friday, but after my scary experience Keith Jackson, I opted to remain solo. But our peer relationship remained healthy and he was great for advice in many varied areas too.

Before long, Mi-Soul Sundays were drawing in crowds of thousands upon thousands of people. Listeners would come down from other counties on arranged coaches and party outdoors along the Thames on the South Bank for free!It got so crowded that on the last day of the first season of events in the month of October, Sadiq Khan the Mayor of London closed the event down deeming it a health and safety hazard.

On the 7th august 2016 Gordon pulled my hair

August 2016:

Mi-Soul DAB are Media and strategic Partners with an annual, 3-day, Soul Music based Festival in Margate, called 'Margate Soul Festival' each year. Mi-Soul do live broadcasts from location of the festival, and the Mi-Soul Dj's takeover the after hours club life for the festivals.

On the 7th August 2016 I was in attendance at the Margate Soul Festival doing a live Outdoor broadcast for the radio station.

On account, the event was called Margate Soul Festival and the line up of acts were traditional artists, majority from within the ethnic Soul diaspora I just assumed and expected to see some fans from the same diaspora. When I arrived I was quietly surprised to note that there were few in attendance.

Gordon introduced me to a man called Roy Marsh (better known as Roy Roach) who I had no prior knowledge, had just joined the events side of Mi-Soul station. Roy Roach and Gordon Mac are long standing personal friends

I warmly greeted Roy and he smiled in warm reciprocation. I said to Roy, “Gosh I’m surprised, there’s hardly any black people here, I guess I assumed there'd be more somehow."

Roy looked at Gordon and then at me in replying, “It’s great isn’t it?!”

His reply took me by surprise, I Calmly replied “Sorry? What was that?”.

“It’s good that there’s hardly any black people here. We don’t want black people here, hopefully there’ll be even less black people next year! Mi-Soul wants more white people at our events we don’t want any blacks.”

I told Roy and Gordon I’d be back in a minute, and walked away.

Later that day, approximately around the 8pm/9pm hour, Debra Mac engaged in introducing me to fans of the station, and saw it as another opportunity to undermine me as a depreciated member of the Mi-Soul Presenters. She did so by telling people “Watch out for this one, Tutu’s trouble! She’s a bit much” I tried to override her efforts to discredit my character by reintroducing myself with a more realistic and positive impression, but as the wife of the owner of the radio station, Debra’s influence was taken as the more credible of the two; people who I’d yet to make a first impression with were treating me as though they needed to be wary of me or were mocking my afro hair textured hair style.

Approximately 30 minutes later, I’d just exited the main stage of the festival and was making my way to another location where the after-party was being held for the last night of this three-day event. On route, I was approached by a small group of fans, one of whom asked to take a photograph with me; I smiled and obliged. At the point of the flash going off for said photo, I felt someone grab a clump of my hair from the crown of my head then yank backwards with a strength of force that made my neck and head flip backward in quick pain. Startled, I turned around in shock to see Gordon Mac looking at me with a sheepish smile on his face. In that moment I knew that the bullying had officially gone from micro to macro. I also understood my hairstyle was a continued focus of issue for them and Gordon’s intention was to publicly humiliate me in a densely populated crowd within the festival grounds by snatching off of my head, what he believed to be a wig, So as to diminish my image to others who held me in any high regard. But, my hair wasn’t/isn't a wig, and as such, he caused hurt to the crown of my head.

Once inside the after party, a group photo was being taken. Gordon saw this as an opportunity and made a second attempt in grabbing a clump of my hair; this time from the the middle, back of my head so as to not draw attention from others nearby. Nobody was stood behind us, so the group didn't notice his efforts. I batted his hand away and asked him "What do you think you're doing?!"

Gordon laughed and said, "It's just a joke"

I came home the next day, cried and called my personal DJ friend , who doesn’t work for the station (his name is Stephen and we worked together a t a previous radio station)

The next week when I came in to do my show, I told Shereen Beckett, who was upset for me. Even so, it was clear that like me, she didn't know what to d; she had no power. Her response was empathetic whilst she tried to excuse away their behaviours in suggesting that maybe they were intoxicated and didn't mean anything much by it.

On the 14th August 2016 I attended one of the weekly Mi-Soul, Soulful Sunday session events in London Bridge. At the end of the event I was in brief conversation with Lloyd E Mix who had, had some glasses of Prosecco. Out of the blue he blurted out “I know your family!” I looked at him confused and smiled it off thinking he must be joking. My private life, was private. He continued on with a serious voice “Yeah! Jerome's your nephew right?!” My smile turned to fright.

Who are you?!" I asked. "How do you know my nephew? My family?”

“I know a lot about you Tutu.”

Without any prior warning of sorts he grabbed a clump of my hair from the lower back, yanked on it, and with a tone of confusion mixed with disgust he said to me “What is this?!” referring to my hair. Before I could react, he quickly proceeded with verbal efforts to coerce me back to his home for sexual favours . He told me his wife, "Rachel was away on holiday with the children". I was thoroughly scared but hid it; in my careful and polite decline, he then asked if I would at least join him in the back seat of his car. I looked at him in disgust and embarrassment and replied by asking him “why are you conducting yourself this way? Why are you doing this?”

He replied by saying “I know your baby-daddy!”

“I don’t have a baby-daddy but my daughter has a father”

“Didn’t he used to beat you up?” he asked

I looked at him with a poker face, kept my cool and replied “I have no idea what you are speaking about Lloyd”

“Yes”, he replied “Your ex used to beat you up bad didn’t he?”

“What are you talking about?!”

He then went on to ask “why are you the way you are for a black woman? How is it that your teeth are white and you dress well?! How is it that you walk and talk the way you do? Even the way you speak! How come you're pretty and look like you do for a black woman? Why are your lips the way they are”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about”

"Black women aren't like that. they're not feminine!"

He tried to intimidate and lure me some more asking me again to come to the back of his car. I felt highly uncomfortable, scared and sick to my stomach.

Lloyd eventually gave up but went on to say “if you ever tell anyone that this conversation happened, I’ll deny it, I’ll come after you! Do you understand?!” He then left me in London Bridge as I went to get the train home alone.

As soon as I got home, I drew all of my curtains with paranoia and cried. I called my old DJ friend Stephen again, and poured my heart out in tears. He used to work with some of my current colleagues also, so he called one of them to ask what on earth was going on?! Citing that "it needs to stop!"

September 2016

Mark Smedley was asked to cover my show on Friday 2nd September 2016.

Mark Smedley messaged me privately on the Thursday 1st September 2016 via Facebook messenger; he messaged me a photograph of himself with a cut and paste rounded afro wig on his head, I was tired of all of the focus around my hair and found it to be highly racist. Not knowing what to do, I acted as though I hadn't seen the message for the rest of the evening and only replied approximately 30 minutes before 2pm the next day. I already knew that if I said how offended I was, I would be considered the problem so, assuming this was a private exchange, I replied his message in making light of it "haha, thats made my day! lol" I wrote. But the image did not stay between us; Mark Smedley saw my reply as a green light to parade that same photograph as his official promotional image for the show; he posted it all across social media and Mi-Soul used it as the official cover on Mixcloud for that week's show. I was hiding a slow burn of conquering deflation. Mark never asked me if i might be offended if he shares it to everyone, I was doubly offended but didn't want the confrontation.

The above event Marked the beginning of the steady progression of Mark Smedley's campaign of bullying toward me. These behaviours included attempts at trying to intimidate me in the studio whilst I would be conducting live shows.

On one occasion, he came into my studio whilst I was in mid-flow of my show to confront me for having a show called 'Tutu@2' saying I shouldn't be allowed to have my own branding. He was clear in imposing his insistence that I change my show name. I calmly told him that I'd be doing no such thing and asked why it bothered him so? He said that he just doesn't think I "should be allowed to have my own name in my show title".

I told him that he's not my management and that it should be nothing for him to be concerning himself with.

October 2016

On Sunday the 23rd October Denise and I had planned a timing of our arrival to the last of the Soulful Sunday series events of that year, on the South Bank. We aimed to meet there at the same time. I had been speaking to her on the phone earlier in the week and had found a way to tell her some of what I had been experiencing at the radio station. I was drip feeding her information on me being bullied by the others.

On arrival we fought through heaving crowds to get to the stage where we were safe and away from the overbearing numbers of people. I’d been on the stage for a mere five minutes and was greeted by one of the DJ’s girlfriend a lovely woman called Monique.

Monique and I took a photograph together . As if from nowhere, Debra Mac appeared. She too insisted that she and I take a photograph together, I really didn’t want to but outwardly, I smiled and said “sure”.As we posed, Monique was the one holding the phone to take the snap but before she could click the button, Debra started spluttering and fidgeting as if her face was having a seizure. She went on to say loudly, with a tone of disgust “Gosh, your hair! It’s getting in my eyes and my mouth!” I looked at her in a fed up manner and moved away. Looking to Monique, I asked her to hand me back the camera. At that moment Debra interjected in saying “no wait! Let’s take a photo Tutu. Please! I was only joking before…” Monique was still holding the camera whilst Debra and I were still stood side by side so, I leaned in and once more; Debra spluttered again with the same routine of “oh my god! Your hair’s gonna take out one of my fake eyelashes!” At that point I reached out for my camera from Monique and simply walked away, leaving both Monique and Denise in Debra’s company. Denise came to find me elsewhere approximately 10 minutes later and disclosed that once I had walked away, Debra leaned in to Denise saying “Gosh she’s a right pain in the neck isn’t she? She’s so annoying!” Denise had never before heard anyone speak out of turn about me, she was shocked and slightly confused. In her need for clarity, Denise responded to Debra in asking “Who? Tutu??”

“Yes” Debra replied.

Denise said that she reokied “Tutu’s not annoying, she’s really nice…” and walked away, at which point Denise Campbell came to find me to tell me.

That day I fully disclosed to Denise Campbell what I had been going through and that Debra has been this way toward me for a while. I have no idea why. I also told her about Gordon’s behaviour too.

Later that same evening Gordon walked passed Denise Campbell and I, making sure to lock eyes with me as he looked on with anger, distain and disgust, it was an intense stare, one that Denise Campbell also witnessed. Denise Campbell then asked me what I'd done? I replied , "nothing"

On Thursday 27th October 2016 I was asked by the station to attend the MOBO awards to interview some of the celebrity’s backstage. I was arriving from another place of work so I brought a mini suitcase with a change of clothing. after said place of work, I headed off to the Pre - MOBO’s venue. with my suitcase. I was there to interview some of the artists such as Maxwell. Once my MOBO duties were carried out, I was to join the rest of the MI-Soul crew in attendance for the evening in a pre arranged seating space for our radio station. I had no idea before hand, who would be there from the radio station other than myself and Shereen Becket whom I got along with.

Once I joined the main seating area I saw that Brian Power, Ronnie Herel, Calvin Francis (Another station DJ) JM (another station DJ) Carly Ann Mond, (Ronnie's ad-hoc assistant) Gordon Mac, Lloyd E mix, and George Kay were also in attendance and placed in their respective seats.

My seat was further along down the aisle which and was logistically difficult for me to get to with my suitcase in hand. I asked the person(s) sat closest to the edge of the aisle that was George Kay and Calvin Francis if they minded just watching the suitcase on account of logistics; they both openly snared at me as if to suggest that I was some sort of nuisance creating a scene. Gordon who was sat one seat in front, acted as though he couldn't hear anything and did not come to my aid at all. It was an awkward moment and I was about to turn on my heels and leave when JM who was sat adjacent to the others called my name and said, "Tutu! Give me the suitcase, I'll look after it"

Once seated, I was given a cold shoulder for the entire of the evening. Micro aggressions such as Ronnie pouring glasses of champagne and handing them out to all members of our group except me. Talking to everyone except me etc. Once the event was over, I took my suitcase and left in a hurry, even though Lloyd asked me to stay for drinks.

Summery of Grievances:

Misogyny

Racism

Pay Gap Discrimination

Sexism

Sexual Harrassment

2017 (YEAR 4 AT MI-SOUL/STEPHEN LAWRENCE CENTRE)

January 2017

One Friday 20th January 2017 after my show, at approximately 16:10pm, I came to the office to charge my phone, make a coffee and go outside for a coffee and a cigarette. There was a young, white male in the office who was currently on a work placement from college. I warmly introduced myself to him and had a short chat about what he hoped for as a career once he finished his studies. Mark Smedley chimed in, in the conversation, and took the opportunity to tell me that his wife is the voice behind the newest jingles on the station. I smiled and said “Oh, I didn’t know! Congratulations to your wife!”. I further acknowledged that he’d been given the additional job of station imaging, jingle etc.

After 4 years of the same jingles put in a request for an intro jingle that I'd long since needed for additional use/replacing the jingle that sounded 'She's hot, she's sassy... It's Tutu!' I also asked for a show opener as my show had never had it's own opener for the entire time on air.

Mark immediately changed his disposition to one of aggression and said with an air of smug control, he "won’t be creating an intro for me". I ask if his job was to create the jingles for the radio station's shows; Mark Smedley clarified that it was indeed his job but he was taking a stand in not providing me a much needed intro, simply because he ‘didn’t want to!’

I further asked why he has a problem with me? What is his problem? Can we get to the bottom of the matter and sort this out once and for all? He initially tried to suggest that he didn't have a problem with me but I wasn't accepting his answer and pried further.

He then admitted that he does have a problem with me and proceeded to respond with a barrage of insults and a highly aggressive tone starting with him saying “Okay! You don’t belong here! You’re not relevant! You should go, leave!”

Shereen Beckett who was assisting Ronnie Herel with his live show in the studio at the time, needed to get something and walked into the office at the point of Mark's abuse, I filled Shereen Beckett in on the current state of the unprovoked attack that Mark Smedley had launched on me. Shereen Beckett tried to act as though she didn’t understand what I was saying but I insisted that she did not leave, guaranteeing a witness. I asked Mark Smedley to repeat to Shereen all that he’d just said to me. At this point Mark was red in the face with embarrassment. I concluded in saying "shame on you Mark for saying the things that you've said today. There is no valid reason for you to say to someone who has helped to build this platform that they don't belong and should leave." I was measured and made sure not to send any insults his way.

Once I’d finished charging my phone I turned to Mark and categorically said to him “It’s never good to leave matters in a negative space for the weekend so how about a hug?” I remember saying this because I thought, he’d probably tell Gordon and others of this incident first thing on the Monday, whilst possibly painting me as the aggressor even though I had done nothing at all. The hug was my way of making it clear that I still don’t have a problem with him. He refused my hug citing that it was I who had previously attacked him and that he felt uncomfortable and under attack, which was not remotely the case. I then gently, reassuringly tapped him on the shoulder instead saying “Okay. Well, I’m not sure what you mean but I’ll leave that with you and just wish you a nice weekend Mark” I gave him a warm smile and walked out of the office.

On Tuesday 24th January of the following week, Gordon called me to "just have a chat" with me. This is not conduct that Gordon and I engage in, so I asked as to why he was calling? I noticed, it was as if he already knew what had happened between Mark Smedley and I, last Friday but was hoping for me to tell him, as opposed to him just saying "Tutu I've heard about last Fridays situation and I'm going to deal with it! Are you okay?"

Instead he went on to ask me if there's anything I would like to tell him?

I replied "like what?"

" i dunno, anything on your mind Tutu?'

I said there are a lot of things on my mind but, I'm guessing you're referring to what happened last Friday, yes?

Gordon replied "Yes. I have heard about it but I want to hear from you and you didn't call so..."

"why would I call? I'm not expecting anyone to help me. I know I need to handle all of it myself so what's the point of telling anyone else" I replied. Gordon reassured me that he is listening and that we should speak on the matter on the Friday.of that week.

After my show on the 27th January 2017, Gordon and I sat in a boardroom as I reluctantly told him what had happened.

Even though Gordon knew Mark was in the wrong and voiced this to me; I lost my Tutu@2 show slot time that I had been known for since the beginning of Mi-Soul. Gordon tried to convince me that this new decision was a punishment for Mark's behaviour toward me but how could it be? I wasn’t at all convinced. I was being bamboozled with a new show time every Friday from 12 midday. I asked if I could do one more show to let the fans know that my showtime was moving? Gordon said "No, you're no longer Tutu@2, your new showtime starts next week. You're now '12 to Tutu!" And with that he ended the meeting and I went home and cried, again.

I spoke to Shereen in confidence after my sit down with Gordon. She told me that on the Monday the 23rd January, Mark Smedley came into office had told all of Fridays abuse but had swapped our verbal exchange around in explaining to all that it was I, who was abusive to him and that I did so without any warrant. Shereen went on to further explain, that she had to pull Gordon to the side in telling him what she had witnessed and what Mark had said were conflicting in truth. Finally she told me, had she not been there, they would’ve believed Mark and that I would’ve probably faced serious backlash. I started my new showtime on Friday the 3rd February 2017

March 2017

Even though I now took on a show time that was further in line with other day time shows, I was still having to enquire about payment for my shows and Gordon Mac was still avoiding paying me, making more excuses of budget and my show's remit.

Things seemed to ease off on the direct bullying front so in an effort to strengthen positive energy and encourage the consideration of my payment; on a particular Friday, I walked into the office after my show had ended to see that Gordon was there alone. I took the opportunity to ask him if he had any critique for my show? His first response was "No"

I asked if there was anything at all that could be improved on as I'm keen to grow in my space and he has never, given me any critique before.

Gordon Mac replied, “I don’t really have anything to say apart from, your shows can be a bit chaotic at times, you know,? Like your home life…”

“What?! Gordon did you just mention my home life?”

Gordon looked me in my eyes, and replied with confidence, “Yes”

My response to him was as follows:

“How dare you speak about my personal life as though you know me? You don’t! I come in once a week for 2 hours all you know about me is what I present when I’m on air and nothing else so please don’t you dare try to delve into my personal life ever!”

Gordon didn’t like my reply and so reverted to more covert racism as he began enacting a stereotype of a black woman rolling her neck and waving her finger whilst saying “Don’t give me none of that attitude!”

I gasped and replied “Gordon did you just roll your neck to mock me?!” Gordon began to go red with embarrassment, he turned his back and began to walk to his desk. I continued “Gosh Gordon, that was low. I’m not a neck roller and/or a finger waver” As per usual, Gordon tried to brush it under the carpet by saying “I apologised so just let it go!” But he didn’t apologise at all. It ended with me washing my coffee cup in silence and just going home.

April 2017

Mi-Soul had it’s 2nd annual yacht party on 16th April 2017 Whilst I wasn’t a DJ at this party I came as an attendee and to support Denise Campbell who was deejaying that night.

At approximately 8pm on the 16th April 2017, DJ & daytime presenter. Brian Bogle were engaged in friendly conversation on the deck of the boat when seemingly out of the blue, Brian Bogle disclosed to me that those in middle and senior management in the office including Gordon Mac were “scared” of my presence and are “intimidated” by me

I asked why? Brian Bogle replied “because, as much as they try, they can’t break your spirit!”

I replied, “So this is real? They really are trying to break me?!’

“Oh yeah!” he replied.

“why would they want to break my spirit?!”

“You’re a pretty, intelligent black woman who’s good on the radio and that bothers them. You’re confident! Why do you think I want to join forces with you on the air?!” I thanked him for telling me and we went back inside.

August 2017

The station was back at Margate Soul Festival from the 4th - 6th August 2017. This time, I was booked to do live shows and DJ for the weekend. Along with all the other booked DJ’s, I was put up in a hotel for the duration.

Unfortunately, upon exiting my home to head to the train station on route the morning of the 4th, my bank card was unexpectedly snapped up from a cash machine; I was forced to take a detour to my bank and sit with the manager etc. They could not understand why my card was taken either and had to contact a central office which took far too long. The unfolding's of that morning made me significantly late to Margate. With the understanding that the issue may take another hour to resolve, I opted to leave the matter until my return back to London, ran home to obtain my passport for I.D. in order to withdraw money over the counter in Margate as and when needed.

I explained what the hold up was to personnel at Mi-soul but when I arrived, stressed as I was with my bank status only being allowed to take out a certain amount of funds over the counter, along with the added stress from my time of arrival; Even though I apologised to all in person and reiterated what the matter had been, I was still given the frostiest of reception's by all Mi-Soul personnel which further exacerbated my distress levels. I had to jump straight on the radio and finish a two hour show. The frosty reception maintained throughout the duration of my show. As soon as I finished; holding back tears, I rushed out with my suitcase to get away from everyone and headed to my hotel to prepare for my next live DJ set later that afternoon.

Gordon Mac had told me before hand, that my hotel was nice, when I asked about the accommodation that Mi-Soul had booked for me. but when I arrived at the designated 'Nayland Rock Hotel' I was further deflated in realising, it was yet another lie. Upon entry I was met with a stale stench of cigarettes and moulding carpet. My room was cold, it almost felt like damp. The shower didn't provide any hot water, I was forced to wash over the sink for the weekend. The bedsheets were dirty, as were the walls in the bathroom as were the shower and sink. It was depressing. I was the only DJ placed in this hotel that weekend. My room was oversized which made me feel even more alone. But, I knew if I mentioned anything to Gordon, it would be just another excuse for him to call me a diva, so I sucked it up, put down my suitcase, and made my way to the next location where I was due to DJ.

On arrival at the DJ location, I saw Gordon and went to speak to him but he just growled at me, then walked off. At tis point, I burst out into uncontrollable tears. I was comforted by another DJ called Abi Clark and some of the radio station's fans. That was the first time I'd cried in public,It was an embarrassing experience for me.

Once it was time for me to go on stage and perform, Gordon quickly whispered into my ear, “I hope you’re not gonna play none of that hip hop shit you like to play?!” This threw me off course and further intimidated me. I had a music set ready that involved (Old school) hip hop but under current last minute pressure, I changed it up.

After I finished, Gordon came over with a drink for me and a smile. And for the first time in all the years that I'd been doing a show on Mi-Soul radio , he openly praised me. I believe it was due to not wanting his bullying cover blown by my show of tears earlier.

Later in the afternoon on the 4th August 2017 Debra Mac had found Denise and I having a nice catch up. Debra Mac walked over to us, inserted herself into my conversation and began talking over me, to Denise Campbell as though I wasn't there.

Denise Campbell and i looked at each other with confusion. As i began to speak again, Debra Mac spoke over me again. Debra Mac continued to speak over me with the occasional verbal mocking of "I can't understand a word she's saying, can you D?" Debra Mac continued.this conduct until I walked away a minute or so later.

On the day of departure back to London which was the 7th August 2017, Debra Mac continued in the same hostile line of behaviour as previous, this time undermining and humiliating me in front of fans of the radio station and other onlookers. Once again, I calmly walked away from her and the situation.

September 2017

Mi-Soul held their last ever annual event (Mi-Biza) in Ibiza from 25th to 29th September 2017 The station was mostly based at Ibiza rocks hotel.

Gordon selected a group of DJ’s to perform throughout the highlighted week at the various club nights. I was one of the selected for this year’s line-up of DJ’s.

I was dubious as to what possible antics might be under way so I recall approaching Gordon in the Mi-Soul offices prior to flying out to make clear that if he was booking me to be in attendance for "aesthetics" i.e for others to see me in a bikini etc. as opposed to actually booking me to DJ, then I had no interest in wanting to be there. He assured me this was not the case. However, once on location, he assigned me to DJ indoors in a room where there were no punters because everyone was enjoying the event outdoors by the pool; I was literally playing to myself. Gordon Mac had me playing to myself for two days in a row. On the 2nd day, 28th September; I left the room early on account of there being nobody in the room once again Gordon saw me on the grounds, noting that I was no longer confined to the empty room and promptly, angrily turned to me in saying “DO NOT FUCK WITH ME!” He told me to go back to the empty room and continue DJing for the duration of my allotted time. I reiterated that there was nobody in there, but he insisted that I go back and the performance to nobody, so I did.

On Friday the 29th September 2017, last full day and night of the week away in Ibiza; I firstly did a live broadcast radio show back to the UK from a studio set up in the hotel room. Whilst doing so; unbeknownst to me, my colleague Marcia Carr who was also in attendance as a DJ , was trying to convince Gordon to put both her and I on the line up for the grand finale club night at a venue called Pikes Hotel. She couldn’t find Gordon so she opted for speaking with his wife, Debra Mac in the hopes that Debra would put in a kind word to her husband.

I finished my broadcast, at 14:00 GMT, and went to join the main space of day parties for the first time that day.

I saw Marcia at approximately 14:15 GMT. In the midst of Marcia Carr telling me that she was trying to get our names put on a DJ line-up for the grand finale party later that night, Gordon stomped over with fury in his face and tone. Gordon Mac proceeded to roar at Marcia whilst he stood next to me I felt the whoosh of breath from his every word. He rolled his neck in sort of way to mimic an angry stereotype of black woman and said the following

“I get it! You two have got this fucking 'sista' thing going on! I’m happy for you both, but don’t you ever get in my fucking business again, do you fucking understand?!” Marcia was startled, as was I.

Behind her sunglasses, Marcia was welling up in her eyes as Gordon continued... “Who the fuck do you think you are?! You wanna DJ? Fine! You get one fucking hour on the decks and if you wanna share your one hour with 'errr', that’s up to you!” “ Errr" was Gordon's cockney way of saying “her” and ‘her’ was his reference to me. I was stood right beside him. He said all he had to say and stormed off in the exact same way he had stormed in.

I was so upset and angry at the way in which he had spoken to us not just in that moment but the entire week, so much so that my grand finale outfit that I had brought along specifically to “wow” with on the last night didn’t seem appropriate any longer, I was tired of looking good on the outside and feeling low on the inside and so, could no longer be bothered. Instead of dressing up fancy, I put on a pair of khaki shorts a pink sequinned vest and an unbuttoned tartan print, cotton shirt with flip flops for footwear.

Marcia and I, did DJ that night at Pikes Hotel, with our time starting from 8pm and were due to leave to go to another closing party elsewhere in Ibiza to get away from Gordon’s negative energy.

With an approximate of a two-hour time lapse for another event that Marcia Carr, Shereen and I were heading off to, we stayed at Pikes to mingle with others at the Mi-Soul event. I had a laugh with some of the other DJ’s and danced a bit.

About an hour into my mingling, I saw a group of approximately eight or so women, one of whom was Andrea Britton, Mi-Soul's PR . The ladies were lounging on some day beds by an outdoor space on Pikes hotel grounds. I said "hello" to them and entered into polite conversation when Debra Mac walked over wearing a cream chiffon dress that looked nice. I told her so “You look nice Debra…” her response to my compliment was an onslaught of verbal abuse and physical common assault.

“Ooh! Tutu said I look nice! Oh I suppose I can rest easy now because Tutu thinks I look nice!!” Debra said, all with an angry, yet sarcastic tone. Debra Mac proceeded to tug on my shirt sleeve, trying to drag my arm as though I were a rag doll. With a distasteful and aggressive tone Debra added “And what are you wearing Tutu? Hmm?! Um, you look a state! You need to throw that shirt in the bin! You’re hardly dressed appropriately for an event at Pikes hotel!”

I replied that “I’m happy with what I’m wearing thanks.” And, “Is this how you repay a compliment? I simply told you, you look nice Debra.”

Debra Mac continued with “I know who you are Tutu! You need to know who I am!! Take a seat, they’ll tell you all about me!”she said, pointing to the women on the day beds.

I expressed that she didn’t know who I am but she just kept replying “I know aaaaaalll about you Tutu! You need to know who I am…take a seat, let them tell you about me!”

Andrea Britton along with others just sat and watched as Debra verbally laid into me and as she engaged in common assault.

I didn’t know what to do so I quickly said, “Oh, I think I hear someone calling my name! But have a nice night ladies, you too Debra.” And with that, I walked away from the episode before Debra had a chance to respond back.

Approximately 20 minutes later, I was stood by the DJ booth with another DJ called Mickey D Davies. We were enjoying the music and having a good time when Debra found me again. She came over and aggressively grabbed my forearm proceeding to say “Why are you still wearing this? I thought I told you to throw it in the bin!”

I moved away from her but she stepped forward in grabbing my arm and shirt sleeve again, repeating “You look a state!”

Keeping a calm tone, I asked her to “stop” But she wouldn’t.

Debra Mac carried on with, "You think your so special don’t you but you’re not! And you look a state; I told you to throw this away” grabbing on my arm and shirt sleeve once more.

I replied her “You’re not my mother and you have no authority on my dress code”

But Debra was intent on continuing her rant, replying, “Perhaps I should be your mother! Perhaps you neeeed me to be your mother so I can dress you, seeing as you don’t know how to dress yourself!” She went on "You're scare of me aren't you? cos I'm Gordon's wife and he's your boss!" I gave her a look of ridiculousness and maintained to try and move away from her, but she kept closing in on me. At some point the hotel manager called ‘Sunni’ arrived to where Debra was attacking me. He looked Debra up and down, told me how beautiful I was in asking if he could take a photograph with me to which Debra Mac chimed in once more in adding “Why are you taking a photo with her? She doesn’t look good! She looks a state!” Sunni told Debra a few embarrassing words and swooped me away from her and others.

Later that evening Mickey D Davies came to me and asked what the previous commotion with Debra Mac was about? I explained that it wasn't the first time and that Debra Mac was always coming after me. I explained that I barely know her and have never done anything wrong to her.

The next day before my flight departed back to England, I joined Andrea Britton and her friend for a drink. Whilst sat with them, Andrea stressed for me not to take Debra Mac seriously, that Debra Mac was intoxicated.

When I got back to London, the next day, Debra Mac started following me on IG I had to quickly block her, On the following Wednesday, I was still so broken by Gordon Mac and Debra Mac and beyond; I called Shereen and began to cry on the phone whilst telling her everything of Ibiza and other points of abuse.

I didn't want to leave the Stephen Lawrence Centre but I knew at this point I was never ever going to get my closure or any level of regard and respect. Shereen asked me to hold on, not to leave. She said "Tutu, there are times when I just want to pour petrol all around the building and light a match! So I know how you feel, but just hold on Tutu, It will pay off." I believed her... because I was desperately looking for belief .

October 2017

On Tuesday 24th October 2017, at approximately 16:30 GMT I received a call from Denise Campbell to inform me that our dear friend and colleague Brian Bogle had suffered a heart attack. I urged for us to immediately go to the hospital to be by his side but Denise insisted that we wait, further adding that he is being moved to another hospital.

On Friday 27th October 2017 , I rushed into the radio station at the Stephen Lawrence Centre, frantically asking Shereen Beckett “What’s going on? Is Brian going to be okay?’ Shereen did her best to reassure me seeing my nearly exhausted state of concern and upset.

George Kay, the Breakfast presenter on Mi-Soul was also in the office at this time. George Kay saw my state and with minutes to spare before I have to go and do a live show. he chose the moment as an opportunity to cause more distress. He interjected into my conversation with Shereen in ‘calmly’ saying “Tutu, I can help you understand Brian’s condition better.” I assumed, the seriousness of the matter meant a rest-bite from the bullying due to his softer than usual tone. I walked over to Georges desk where he’d already opened up a Wikipedia page on his desktop screen pertaining to Brian’s particular condition. George had further highlighted a specific, section of the Wikipedia page. Once, I had a good view of the screen, he asked for me to read the highlighted section and if I could read it out loud for all to hear. ‘The section read: 'a very small percentage of patients survive this particular condition’. George added with a stern voice “See, he's dead! He’s already dead!!” I looked at him in what felt like a surreal moment of shock mixed with terror and anger and felt as though I was going to faint. I ran out of the office insilence seeking refuge in the studio. George came to find me some 10 minutes later to apologise (on Shereen’s say so), citing he had “gone to far, this time.”

I didn’t tell everyone else what George Kay had said about Brian Bogle on the Friday. Brian Bogle was loved by many, and I knew if they had heard that George had effectively wished him dead before he had actually died, there would most likely have been bloodshed.

On Sunday the 29th of October 2017 I received a call, that Brian's life support machine is to be switched off, so I rushed to the hospital to say good bye to Brian one last time before he was gone forever. It was a highly traumatic time, I had a moment of hysteria and paranoia ensued and I accused Gordon and Shereen of killing him and that they were going to kill me too! I started screaming and yelling, "stay away from me! get away from me!!"Shereen Beckett managed to calm me down and then drove me home at approximately 3am. I apologised to her.

On Tuesday the 31st October, a select few of us met at the bar opposite the Stephen Lawrence centre to gather on behalf of the loss of Brian Bogle.

Those in attendance were:

Tutu (Mi-Soul DJ)
Peter Borg (Mi-Soul DJ)
JM (Mi Soul DJ & Station Coordinator)
Andrea Britton (Mi-Soul PR)
Craig Williams (Mi-Soul DJ)
Craig Williams Girlfriend

I had got on well with Peter Borg's girlfriend, any time I saw her at events and she let me know that she enjoyed my shows on previous occasions. As such, on the day in question she text me her condolences for my loss of Brian Bogle. She did so whilst I was sat at the table with everyone including Peter. I was surprised that she had messaged me and shared with Peter that his girlfriend just sent a sweet message of her condolences to me. Peter seemed more concerned that his girlfriend had reached out to me. His girlfriend told me at a later date that, she and Peter Borg nearly had an argument because she seemingly was paying too much attention to me. She asked me to keep secret of her engaging with me because "he gets weird and jealous when I mention you".

At this point I need to mention that Peter was not alone in this cycle of thought. I was plagued with varied displays of concern from some of the wives and girlfriends of my peers.

A DJ split with his short term partner of one year and told me that one of the reasons was because of me, that she thought there was a romance between us. I never had a personal relationship with this DJ and we never spoke out of work, once.

Another DJ peer told me that he was having constant arguments at home with his wife, when I asked him why in a consoling tone he replied "because of you! She says I'm obsessed with you!" I told him to tell her that he isn't remotely my type and could he please stop speaking about me in his home with his wife. I further made efforts to engage with his wife whenever I spoke to him so she could feel at ease with my presence as I was speaking to this DJ in relation to work matters only.

Carly Ann Mond was caught by myself and anotherDJ staring at me in a way of true, deep seeded loathing.

I never felt safe with most of the wives, girlfriends and associated women so, I mainly kept to myself.

On Tuesday the 31st of October, Whilst at a gathering to pay respects for Brian Bogle, in a quiet moment I took the opportunity to have a word to clear up any misconceptions with Craig Williams girlfriend who had spent a considerable amount of time previously, giving me frosty treatments and looks of micro aggression. I told her "You really don't need to worry about me. I'm truly not here to try and take somebody else's guy. I have my own quest and my own journey I'm just here for me, nobody else's. I have a completely different agenda" At first she seemed too embarrassed to admit that she previously had issue with me but once I calmly made it clear that I already knew this to be fact and that it was okay; my only agenda is to let her know that she needn't worry any more, she admitted and confirmed that "yes, she was worried about me possibly causing issue in her personal relationship with her partner but now she can see, I'm a nice person. It felt nice to clear up misconceptions with at least one person.

November 2017

On the Friday the 10th November, Dr Psycho had his official pre funeral gathering. I finished my show with the intention to head straight to his grandmothers house when Ronnie Herel, approached me in asking if he could commission me to do some graphics for a new music based event venture that he was involved in. I agreed to, thinking that this would be good for me in growing my graphics business. I was introduced to a new entity in his life by the name of Rosie Coxshaw, whom he explained to me was his business partner as he called her to discuss the areas around our transaction. I needed promotion at this time so was more fixed on a low financial remuneration package with a promotional push on social media.

In 2017 I was asked to represent Mi-Soul at the MOBO awards Pre-Party for the 2nd year in a row. This year the location was the Boisedale venue based in Canary Wharf.

On Monday 20th November 2017 I arrived at the Boisdale with an outsourced camera woman who filmed me interviewing celebrities in the privately enclosed, designated area of the venue.

At some point, Lloyd E Mix’s wife who is a Caucasian female called Rebecca came into the enclosed space and greeted me having recognised me from previous events. Rebecca and I were not well acquainted But She confidently undermined me in introducing me to other individuals gathered in the room as "Bonkers" More specifically “This is Tutu, she’s bonkers!” Once again, I had to re-introduce myself in explaining that, "I don't actually know Rebecca so I'm not quite sure why she's told you I'm bonkers, I'm not, but pleased to meet you".

Later that same evening of the pre MOBO’s launch party, I saw Lloyd E mix’s cousin, an ethnic man of Caribbean heritage called Wayne. Wayne didn't work for Mi-Soul but attended a lot of the events and we were familiar. I had never had any issues with Wayne and considered him a friendly face. Wayne and I smiled and hugged. He noticed I was sat alone in the main area, and invited me to join him and his friends on the terrace of the venue, I accepted his invitation.

Once there, he bought drinks and introduced me to everyone. Rebecca was also present. She requested a photo with me, which once again, I really didn’t want to do, however, I agreed for the sake of peace but insisted that the photo is taken using my phone. Wayne took the photograph and while doing so, decided to say to me "by the time I’ve finished you’ll look pretty! I’ll make you look mixed race!” I gasped, stopped posing and asked for my phone back.

Wayne looked at me saying “What?! What’s your problem?” I replied, I have no desire to look mixed race, I’m quite happy being black perhaps you should be happy being black too!”

He replied with a slightly more aggressive tone in saying “Relax! It’s not like I called you nigger-bitch!” saying all in front of a non black audience of people. I quickly composed myself, thanked him for buying me a drink whilst wishing everyone a pleasant evening, and gracefully exited their circle of social gathering.

2017's Pre MOBO’s event was a 3-course sit down dinner affair for attendees that year and whilst Ronnie Herel from Mi-Soul was also in attendance that evening and was extended the inclusion of a table seating for dining, I found out through the humiliations of asking a member of staff to be taken to my seating, that I was not given a seat. The staff member couldn’t find my placing and a manager was called on hand who gracefully apologised in telling me “sorry but you do not have a table seating here, I do not see your name on the list”

I politely said "there must be some mistake?" and excused myself to call Gordon Mac to sort the issue but Gordon Mac did not answer his phone on each attempt of my call, so I called Shereen Beckett to ask her the same. She didn’t have the answers. I was so fed up and angry that I snapped on the phone, Shereen boar the brunt of my upset. I was eventually given a table due to threatening that if I was not afforded a seating then “tell Gordon, I’m going home and he can do the interviews himself!”

I later, apologised to Shereen for my stern tone on the same call, and was ashamed of my behaviour. With the constant barrage of bullying and Brian Bogles death, I was finally starting to display my unravelling.

After the Pre-MOBO's event, I came home and cried specifically for the "nigger-bitch" comment and the humiliation of literally having to fight for a seat at the table.

Although Shereen had accepted my initial apology for snapping, I gave her another apology in person when I next saw her.

On Wednesday 22nd November, a funeral was held for Brian Bogle. Like most in attendance, I was tearful and in mourning. At the reception, Denise Campbell and I found a table seating and got up to get some soup. On route, Debra Mac came over and used the opportunity to demean me with the same routine of talking over me whilst saying "what is she saying? I can't understand her?!" I walked away from the both Debra Mac and Denise Campbell and went back to my seat. I cried with other DJ's who were also in mourning. Debra Mac, came to me at some point later in the evening to quietly apologise.

December 2017

For the first time, Mi-Soul held its Christmas part at Ministry of Sound Nightclub venue, in London on the 28th December 2017.

On the night in question; whilst I was in attendance, Lloyd E Mix's wife Rebecca, who I'd been avoiding for most of the evening, managed to briefly corner me (non physical) to further dissect why her cousin-in-law, Wayne has a "distain for black women'. This was a highly uncomfortable space of conversation for me and I had no interest in speaking about this matter with her. I still wasn't that well acquainted with her. Not want to engage further; I made this point clear to her “Rebecca, please do not bring this to me. I do not want to speak on this. It as nothing to do with me”. But Rebecca insisted that it does have something to do with me and motioned to further, engage with me on the matter in a semi pressed tone, as she continued speaking. I felt suffocated, I was being subjugated to more toxic micro aggressions. After approximately four/five minutes, I found a way to exit the dialogue and left her.

Summery of Grievances:

Pay Gap Discrimination

Sexism

Bullying

Racism

2017......................

2018...........................................................

2018 (YEAR 5 AT MI-SOUL/STEPHEN LAWRENCE CENTRE)

January 2018

Craig and I were in conversations about putting on a regular monthly event together, so we were speaking regularly in order to size each other up at this stage. He was also slightly unhappy with some of the ways in which he was being treated and would speak to me for advise and I would whole heartedly give him the advice.

Craig williams and I were speaking on the telephone one evening. Craig Williams brought up the subject of the clear undermining that I was experiencing at the radio station. He said that he had spoken to one of the other DJ's about me and that that they said that the reason why they (management and middle management) won't let Tutu grow is because, "She's too black". I Asked Craig Williams what he mean't and he replied, You know what he means Tutu?! She's too black... you're too real for them"

Craig Williams went on to tell me that when he first joined Mi-Soul in 2014/2015 he was immediately told to watch out for me. He quoted, he was told "Tutu's trouble, stay away from her they said" I asked who? Craig Williams said "George Kay, Mark Smedley... You know who Tutu!" Craig Williams continued with "I expected you to not be nice but actually you're lovely and caring and soft! I was intimidated by you at first" I asked him why? Craig Williams said it was a combination of my "seemingly outward confidence" and "what was said" about me..

Late in 2017 (10th November) Ronnie Herel approached me to ask if I would help provide a graphic design solution for logo use, for his newly instated club night event called Funky Dory. I agreed a low fee on the condition that he promotes me on social media, Ronnie agreed after speaking to his business partner, Rosie Coxshaw who I had no idea existed prior to their request. I told Ronnie, I'd liaise with him but, he insisted that I liaise with Rosie. I made it clear that I don't know Rosie so it's probably best I deal with you directly but he kept on his insistence that I deal with Rosie so, I did.

Rosie Coxshaw presented herself to the public as someone who is "a passionate supporter of women at work" with a business and had a magazine dedicated to supporting women. I assumed she was a safe gamble to engage with. I requested her on Facebook and waited for an email arrival from her.

On Friday the 5th of January, I saw Ronnie at the radio station. he asked if I had got a corresponding email from Rosie yet and I replied that I had but I had one query for Ronnie as a client of mine. "Ronnie, the artwork specifies a woman with an afro, yes?"

"yes" Ronnie Herel Replied

"Okay, So I'll make her skin black then"

"No, no." Ronnie said, "Don't make her black!"

"But you said to give her an afro??"

"Yes but we don't want to alienate the white people. Don't make her black, make her mixed race" Ronnie Herel said to me.

As a black woman with an afro, I was highly offended but I was already deflated and at a loss for energy. I also needed to build my portfolio for the industry so I continued on with the commission thinking, this is just one client..

Once completed, I sent Rosie Coxshaw a high resolution Jpeg of the graphic logo. Both Rosie Coxshaw and Ronnie Herel were happy with the outcome but Rosie Coxshaw went on to ask for the eps file of vectored layers, which is something that is prohibited without purchase. I flattened the image and sent her in an eps file without sending the intellectual property. Not content Rosie Coxshaw also asked for the photoshop files claiming that they would need it for their event leaflets. I flattened the image once more and placed in in a photoshop file and sent through without intellectual property.

On Wednesday the 31st January 2018, Rosie Coxshaw refused to pay me suggesting that there were a few elements missing from the end product and that once she gets all, she'll pay me. Rosie Coxshaw forced her own company's graphic designer onto me, citing that "he'll be able to explain better" But it was just another person trying to coax me into releasing my intellectual property without payment for the benefit of Rosie Coxshaw. I said no and he left the call. Rosie called me and I explained that I knew what she wanted and that if indeed she was expecting the Intellectual Property of said graphics created by me that she could certainly have ownership, if she bought the IP. I expressed, that the price is completely different for that sale but ,I am happy to have that separate conversation with her. She asked if I would kindly make changes to the colour of the text and I agreed as a good will gesture.

On the 31st January 2018 , I made last changes to the artwork's text colour and sent through to Rosie Coxshaw on email.

February 2018

On Friday the 2nd of January 2018 Ronnie Herel paid me the agreed monetary value (and £25 extra) with the outstanding balance of 'promotion' to follow when Ronnie Herel and Rosie Coxshaw finally reveal their new event, logo.

On Friday the 9th of February, one week after Ronnie Herel and Rosie Coxshaw received the final iteration of the commissioned artwork, and had paid me, Ronnie became non verbally, hostile with me, and continued on each Friday after that for months. This manifest via:

Directly looking in my face whilst ignoring my direct greetings of hello. I had to refrain from saying hello
Ronnie Herel, would give intense stares of aggression whenever he came into the studio to start his show after me.
Ronnie would undermine me in any way he could which encouraged others he had recently taken under his wing in joining the radio station to also, undermine me.
On one occasion, I had technical difficulties whilst live on air (the signal went down) I went to the office and told staff; Ronnie and shereen came to the studio to troubleshoot the issue. Being technical myself, along with the fact that the issue was happening during my show time, I leaned in to see if I could aid; when I did so, Ronnie barked at me in the presence of Shereen, "move!" Ronnie said whilst looking at me in disgust. I was highly embarrassed but mustered a reply, "I beg you're pardon?! Don't speak to me that way." Ronnie became more aggressive with his tone as he repeated "Moove!" adding" Get out of the way! Leave the studio! We'll call you when It's time for you to carry on presenting" As if to reduce my overall technical ability and contributions to the station for the past five years of me being there.

March 2018

Ronnie Herel and Rosie Coxshaw were still expected promote my graphic service via their using my newly finished logo for their Funky Dory events, as per our verbal contractual agreement along side the monetary agreement which they had already paid. I expected that when they launch their new logo, that will be the ideal time to promote the me as the designer behind the work.

On The 4th March 2018 Ronnie debuted and uploaded The new Funky Dory logo designed by me on social media via Facebook.

By Ronnie Herel's own admission, the caption with the post displaying the newly designed logo was one of the longest written captions that Ronnie had ever written. He gave individual thank you's to EVERYONE near and far in relation to all thing Funky Dory; including the DJ's, the club members and workers, the videographer, Rosie Coxshaw, the individual helpers, the supporters and many, many more people; everyone except me. Even though this was a business deal, it was clear, not only did Ronnie and Rosie have no intention of honouring their business deal with me, It appeared they also wanted me to know that they are going to undermine my craft and business development whilst making a professional spectacle of me.

I had several other DJ's asking me why Ronnie did not promote me on social media? and negatively commenting on Ronnie Herel's choice of actions.

Throughout 2018, both Ronnie and Rosie continued to professionally undermine me in nuanced ways; as a woman, as an ethnic woman, and as a professional, ethnic woman with skillsets.

With the protection of Ronnie Herel and seemingly, Gordon Mac, Rosie Coxshaw continued to confidently present herself to the public as a passionate supporter and advocate for women at work, via social media; her doing so, further exacerbated the distress I was already feeling, as a woman at work, whom Rosie had blatantly undermined from within a working space that, I had significantly helped to cultivate.

On Friday the 16th March Ronnie Herel arrived at the studio to start his show at the end of mine and handed me a T'shirt with the Funky Dory Logo design I had created. I thanked him and said "I hope you're not selling T Shirts Ronnie? Because if you are then we need to have a conversation about that"

Ronnie replied in saying "No, we're not selling them, we're just giving them out." After that exchange, Ronnie went back to maintaining his level of frostiness toward me but it continued after that for several more months. I was forced to pretend that he didn't exist every time I came in to do my show on the Friday's.

On Friday the 23rd March, after my usual Friday show I went to the office to make a cup of coffee. I was sat down at one of the desks with just Gordon and I in the office. I tried to strike up friendly conversation in regard to the stations growth when Gordon decided to turn focus on me. Gordon Mac said "I know you've always wanted a Monday to Friday show haven't you?"

I replied "yes, I didn't think you knew." Gordon said, that he did know. I went on to say "That would make my life a lot easier as far as not knowing whether I'm coming or going. at the moment I'm juggling another job and being here, and it's not easy on my mind or life" Gordon looked on as if he was thinking things through and said, "I know Tutu. Don't worry, I think I might have something for you" I smiled and said "Really! Gordon don't mess me around."

Gordon Mac replied in a reassuring tone "No, I'm not messing. I can't promise anything yet but leave it with me..."

That day I left the Stephen Lawrence Centre with a gleeful step. I genuinely thought that everything was about to finally pay off in more ways than one.

April 2018

On the Tuesday 3rd April Gordon called me at approximately 3pm in the afternoon to tell me that I am no longer going to doing my Friday afternoon show that Mark Smedley is now doing it citing that they need to uniform the week and my show was the only show standing in the way of them being able to do that. I asked him what I would be doing thinking that he had another more permanent slot time for me, Gordon Mac replied in saying that I would be doing 'cover' for when other people in the day time can't do their shows; either off sick or on holiday . Effectively Cover meant demotion for someone who had previously been running their own show on the same day for the last 5 years.

I asked Gordon "is this what you had in mind when you said to me two weeks ago that you might have something for me?"

Gordon replied "yes"

I felt humiliated yet again, Through this new course of action, Gordon Mac effectively gave me an ultimatum of either taking the cover position (demotion) which he was finally prepared to start paying me a (low) salary for, or leave the station. In my mind I knew I was coming to the end of my time at the station and the Stephen Lawrence centre, with zero closure for my trauma and new, compounded trauma for the lack of gain of career for all the effort I had put in and a new wealth of discriminatory abuse that I had, had to contend with and endured the entire time.

I told him I'd think about it, and said if I could ask him one last thing, "could I please do one more show to at least say goodbye to the listeners who had stuck by me over the last five years on Friday afternoon please"

Gordon replied "No. It's best to just rip off the plaster." I queried him citing that he had let another presenter who left in January say goodbye to the listeners. "Why Gordon? You let Melvo say goodbye to his listeners?!" Gordon Mac maintained in his refusal to afford me the same grace.

As soon as I ended the call with Gordon Mac, I called Brian Power in trembling, roaring tears. Brian Power acted as though he had no idea that this was going to be happening to me (but I realise now that he must have, as he too had become part of the decision process as a share holder).

I called a few Dj's the next day to say my goodbyes realising that I had to go. All the DJ's were in shock and couldn't understand Gordon Mac's choice of action, I was more popular to the listeners than Mark Smedley.

Two of the DJ's talked me out of leaving and pleaded for me to take the cover and make it work for me, with one of the DJ's Roy Roach advising me to turn the position into a gimmick calling it Mi-Cover girl. I agreed and contacted Gordon Mac to share the idea with him. I created fresh graphics around the new positioning and sent it to him in asking that he allow the station to get behind a promotion of this new position called Mi-Cover girl, aiding in me keeping my outward humility with the stations audience that had become accustomed to my strong presence over the years instead of a sudden fall from grace. Gordon Mac said yes, but did not fulfil his word; thus the station did not promote this new way forward for me, I was left to do it on my own, so it didn't have the same impact.

Once i had agreed to do the shows, Gordon added more stipulations. Including to make it clear that I no longer have an identity on the radio and that I am to clearly stipulate each and every time that I am just cover for others whom I am doing shows for until they return. I'm not to use any jingle with my name in it only generic ones.

I started my new demoted position of cover shows In the month of April which were sporadic in schedule from week to week/month to month. I immediately faced more bullying from Mark Smedley who was now sabotaging my shows at any given opportunity.

The day time shows would have pre-recorded music mixes, 20 minutes in length. The listeners weren't to know that these mixes were pre-recorded or that the presenter in the studio may not have been the one to do the mixes. the mixes should play out as though, live.

Whenever I was doing the cover shows Mark Smedley would make sure to insert a 20 minute mix with a jingle that would say "Smedley in the mix" . without letting me know in advance. What this meant is that, whilst live on air I would say something like, "Off to an add break and on the other side I'm going in the mix for 20 minutes" but when I pressed play on the mix Mark Smedley's jingle would play throughout the mix blowing my cover to the listener that, not only was the mixing not live but that it was not I, who mixed it.

The first time it happened I knew it wasn't an accident, but couldn't prove it; however, it kept happening. I complained to Shereen who reduced it to Mark's absent mindedness. But it persisted to a point that I had. had enough.

One day, I called Gordon to the studio in the midst of it happening and said "Gordon, look I know I'm just cover. I get it!! But.." before I could continue Gordon Mac intervened, and with gusto said "GOOD! I'm glad you know where you stand!" I looked at him with shock but continued on in exhaustion

"Mark should not be doing this to me. I'm being undermined in my position and constantly thrown under the bus live on air every time he does this to me" Gordon Mac also reduced the severity to an an honest mistake on MarK Smedley's part.

It got to a point whereby, I saw a listener comment on Marks Facebook page whilst i was doing a show. The comment read "nice mix Mark. I know it was you who did the mix today" with a wink emoji. Once again, I was humiliated. I asked Gordon if I could do my own mixes. He said "The thing is Tutu, how can I put this? When people think you're able to do something is best to let them believe that. if you reveal too much you run the risk of giving up the illusion. We don't want to do that, do we?" He was suggesting that I didn't know how to Dj and that he was doing me a favour by not letting the listeners know my secret of inadequacy. The fact is I was so unsure of my self by that point that I probably had lost ability of most things due to excessive self doubt brought on by relentless bullying.

Eventually Mark stopped that particular sabotage but opted to remove mixes entirely so I didn't have anything to play in the myriad system (radio play system). When I eventually vented to George Kay, he said that Mark was not too happy to have to do mixes that I would possibly take credit for with the listeners. I responded in saying that "Mark is okay for everyone else to take credit when covering his shows so why does he have a problem with me?!"

Mark Smedley created a fake email account to send a message to the studio whilst i was doing another show, posing as a listener he emailed in a complaint of my style of on-air presenting. The email was read by those in the office and presented back to me to make me feel uncomfortable.

Mark Smedley continued on with these extreme behaviours to a point, I tried to reason with him whilst in the studio one day. I said “Mark, I’m not sure what problems you have but what ever they may be, I know I am not one of them. Could you please stop trying to make me your problem? We don’t engage outside of the radio station, we don’t share the same social circles, we have very little in common other than having radio shows on the same station. There is absolutely no reason for personal engagements of any kind. I do not hold any strong negative feelings toward you, so please could you kindly stop trying to make me your problem. I'm not your problem”

Mark Smedley vaguely acknowledged what I had said. I asked him with calm, clarity if he had understood what I am saying? he replied a nonchalant "yes" and left the studio.

June 2018

On Wednesday the 20th June Mi-Soul held a staff meeting at the Stephen Lawrence Centre with all DJ's needing to be in attendance.

Emma Noble was also in attendance. Emma Noble is a white female DJ that I believed to share vast similarities to me in reference to my signature traits; those being my hairstyle and sense of dress, which were the two areas that defined me both as a black woman and in the professional space that I existed in (along with my personality) Whilst I had been the first female Dj to arrive at Mi-Soul and had aided in its build at the Stephen Lawrence Centre, Emma and her DJ partner had been working for Mi-Soul a mere matter of months.

After the meeting, a few of us took photographs and went to the bar across the road from the Stephen Lawrence Centre to have a drink and a wind down, catch up.

At the end of the night I was getting ready to go and saying my 'good byes'. At a moment whilst I happened to be stood next to Emma Noble, Andrea Britton, knowing the conversation I had, had with her some months earlier about feeling compromised in my identity, chose to say "Oh look, you two have the same hair haha!" Ned Pillar who is a white male Dj who was also working at Mi-Soul as a new recruit and a friend of Emma Noble's responded to Andre Britton's remark by saying "Yeah but one their hair do's isn't real!" and before I could say or do anything, Ned Pillar reached over to me, grabbed a clump of my hair and said, "Yeah, It's weave!" whilst others including Andrea laughed it off! I responded in telling Ned Pillar to "never touch my hair again!" But the damage was done and my worst fears were coming to light, and as a the only black woman present i that moment I felt vulnerable and humiliated in a room full of white people. I also felt that my identity was being undermined to make way for a non black variation of what I had represented since the beginning.

Mark Smedley was still continuing with passive aggressions toward me. On the Thursday the 16th of August 2018 at 21:00 BST Mark Smedley sent out a generic email that read as though it had been sent to everyone at the station. However, due to all the bullying I had received from him without any repercussion, I feared the worst, and not wanting him to enter into anymore of my personal space than needed; I replied his email in politely asking him to refrain from emailing me directly without cc'ing someone else in, either Gordon Mac or Shereen Beckett. I, myself cc'd in both Gordon Mac and Shereen Beckett.

Mark persisted in his aggressions in any way he could find. Ordinarily, radio etiquette is to start the show by re-announcing the last show and presenter in thanking them as you take the baton and continue forward for your show; we all knew the etiquette and would follow suit. Mark had suddenly taken to no longer mentioning me on air even though I had just finished my show to make way for his.

I tried to tell him again that I do not have a problem with him and that him having s problem with me has literally fallen from the sky as there was no prior tension between us whatsoever. His persistence of aggression led me to always vacate the studio in a hurry when he was next in so as to not to find myself the target of his abuse as he entered with a mean face each time.

October 2018

On Thursday the 4th of October, Mark emailed me to outline my studio errors. He was complaining about my leaving the studio with technical misdemeanours he cc'd in Gordon and Shereen and made a note of mentioning it in content of the email. I found the email to be passive aggressive in tone and undermining. There was no greeting and I suspected that this was yet another form of his bully tactics. However, whilst I wasn't sure if his complaints held any weight of truth, i did not try to fight it out instead, on Tuesday the 9th October 2018, I used the opportunity to reply in explaining that if there were any issues with the technical state in which I had left the studio at the end of my show it was due to my need to vacate in a hurry in noting that Mark Smedley had taken issue with me. I also reiterated that I had spoken to Mark to assure him that i had no issues with him in hoping that things would run more smoothly in our change over from there on.

Gordon Mac did not reply either email and made no attempt to approach me to try and tackle any issues regarding Mark bullying me.

On Wednesday the 10th October, Mark came into the studio whilst I was in the last 10 minutes of my afternoon cover show and directly entered into my personal space, stretching his arm out and across my chest plate brushing me as he went; in order to reach a button on the other side of me. It took me by surprise. Stunned by his brazen, my human reflexes pushed his arm away as I looked at him to say "what are you doing?! Just stop!"

Mark ignored my plea and continued to undermine my abilities and contributions to the build of the station over the years by trying to train me as to which studio buttons operate what function. I was forced to ignore him as I was still dong a live show at the time. Once finished i left in a hurry and din't tell anyone in the office as I knew nobody would come to my aid.

November 2018

Doing cover shows meant that my schedule was all over the place, I took the shows as and when they came whilst still juggling another job which; with the added stress of non stop bullying, took a toll on my mental state, i was quietly crumbling.

The routine was as follows, Shereen would refer cover shows to me usually weeks in advance where possible with the occasional of days notice for some covers. Once i agreed to do these shows Shereen would email them over to me. Closer to the day/week of my cover show Shereen would text me to remind me once more which I would appreciate as sometimes, I would forget.

On the Tuesday the 16th of October, I had just finished a show and was in the office replying emails when Shereen asked me if I could cover an island show (just one show on the 26th, not wanting to miss any opportunities, I immediately said yes, and Shereen emailed the date over to me there and then. As soon as i had finished sending my emails, i replied her email with confirmation before leaving the building.

On Friday the 26th October I had forgot about my agreeing to cover the show time that afternoon. There was a lot going on in my personal life and I was juggling a lot along with cloudy thoughts of hidden despair and depression.

i had been aiding my nephew pack up his bits for his grand move the night before the day in question and had got home the morning of the day in question. I had just put on my pyjamas to finally get rest when Denise Campbell called me for an afternoon chat. within 5 minutes of being on the phone, I got a message from an avid listener of the radio station sharing his excitement to hear that I'll be on the radio that afternoon which was when I realised, I was due to be on air that afternoon. I immediately called Shereen and told her that I'd forgotten with all that was going on, and that I was currently an hour away at home in my pyjamas. I further calmly asked her why she didn't text me as she normally would? Shereen replied "I told you on the day and emailed you."

I replied "yes but you normally email me then text me closer to the day Shereen, why not this time?'

"I emailed you Tutu. What else do you want me to say?"

We had an awkward pause of silence before I reiterated that I was an hour away and the show is due to start any moment. Shereen did not offer up any solutions so I said, "I'll be on my way then..."

Shereen replied "Okay."

I ended the call, brushed my teeth washed my face and shoved on yesterdays clothes and headed out the door in a rush to get to the studio as quickly as possible.

Once I arrived I headed straight to the studio to take over from a pre-recorded mix that had occupied the airwaves in my delay of arrival. Gordon cam into the studio area and was visible to me I watched him hug Brian Power with his jacket on, and saw that as a quick opportunity to grab his attention to apologise for the mix up but when I called his name he looked over at me in discussed gave a loud grunt as he threw his hands up as if to say "go away!", He then turned his back on me and walked out of the studio area. I was fighting back tears. Eventually I did succumb to tears whilst in the 2nd hour of my show and could barely speak on air for the duration of the show.

After my show ended, I went to Brian Power; trembling with tears, I screeched "where the fuck is HR in this place??!" I asked him if I could have a word with him when he was done doing what he was doing, I was still in tears, my body shaking. He came to find me in the office and proceeded to sit with me to discuss the matter. He asked me "what's going on with you and Gordon? Why do you two clash?"

"I responded in saying that "We don't clash, he has had an issue with me from the start but there's no reason behind it"

Brian responded with "Perhaps it's because you're always late."

"No, that's not it"

"Yes Tutu. You're always late!"

"No Brian, , I'm not late for my shows, and I'm not the only one! Not by a long shot!! I wanted to tell him that I arrive just in time to head to the studio for self preservation and avoidance of everyone in the office. I wanted to tell him that i came in hopes of also gaining closure but I'm receiving more and more pain, and at this point I'm unsure what to do! I wanted to scream and say, I'm breaking! But I didn't, Instead I continued with telling him that my shows are always great and I've never even so much as been told "thank you!" "He doesn't want to pay me! Ronnie misses his duties all the time and nobody says anything!"

" Brian replied Well that's Ronnie."

"what do you mean? This is all wrong!"

"look Tutu, life isn't fair so just deal with it!"

In that moment, I got tired of not being able to say all the horrible things that had happened to me; I blurted out "Gordon attacked me! He pulled my hair! and Debra attacked as well" But Brian just looked through me as if to say, "i didn't hear that" So I got up from where we were sitting out of embarrassment.

Still crying, i walked over to the office sink to wash my cup when Brian powers called my name "Tutu." I said nothing. He called my name again, louder "Tutu! Look at me!" I turned around to look at him as he said "This is the big boys playground! do you understand?!" I was fully dejected at this point, I nodded at him. He said that if I arranged a sit down with Gordon to clear the air that he would sit in on the meeting to aid the clearance of air. He suggested that I write Gordon an email explaining and asking for a meeting.

Despite everything, I went home and wrote an apology email through tears knowing that it all felt wrong and that I had been subjected to unbearable abuse for the best part of 6 years. Regardless, I explained the circumstance around the mistake I had made earlier that day making it clear that I was not trying to excuse myself, rather I was providing an explanation. With further humility I asked him for a time of his convenience to have a sit down meeting.

Gordon adhered to arrange a meeting time closer to when he able to sit with me and I looked out for the email bit it never cam. In the meantime, I noticed that cover shows were being conducted by some one other than myself, A weekend presenter called Lindsay Wesker was now doing these shows would ordinarily be assigned to me.

One day in December a few weeks after the above incident; I had just finished another show. I came to the office to make a coffee and before I could put the kettle on Gordon said "Have you got a moment Tutu?" I said "sure" and in that moment both Gordon and Brian got up from their respective seats in unison which caught me off guard and immediately intimidated me. They walked me over to a private boardroom where we sat. Gordon looked at me and said, "What to you want to say?" Unprepared as I was, I asked Why Is Lindsay Wesker doing cover shows?"

Gordon replied "Because we asked him to." I responded by mentioning that Gordon Mac had categorically told me when offering me the position of cover back in April that I would always be given first refusal. Gordon replied "Things change." I asked what had changed? to which Gordon Mac replied "the station is always changing" and "we like Lindsay"

I paused, and then said "what 's that supposed to mean Gordon?"

He replied "It means we like Lindsay"

"Should I be worried? Should I be preparing to go?"

"No" Gordon replied, going on to say "you don't need to be worried" At that point, Brian Power, suddenly interjected with "Right! okay and that marks the end of the meeting. Glad that's settled then." But I had so much more to say. Even so, Brian Power got up and motioned for Gordon to get up, and with that everyone proceeded to vacate the board room.

I felt bamboozled and gagged.

The reality is the whole year was a shambles for me. I was a shell of myself whilst trying to not show it to anyone but I was unravelling in all areas; my shows were less, I was not meeting deadlines on graphics projects and was having to refund clients at a time when I should have been thriving. I wasn't going in to my day job. I was crying most days behind closed doors and found myself spending a lot of my days in bed or in my pyjamas I didn't want to go anywhere and I felt an overwhelming sense of desperation and lack of control and/or direction.

December 2018

I had been vying for a club night of my own in a club in Margate which was owned by the Eli Thompson who was the director of Margate Soul festival and one of the established partners of Mi-Soul DAB Radio.

Both Eli and his head of Marketing would come in to work out of the Mi-Soul HQ's at the Stephen Lawrence centre every Monday and Tuesday of each week. During the periods where I was covering on week long sessions I would see them in the office. It was during this time frame, in the month of October that I asked Eli if i could have a dedicated monthly slot at his club in Margate. He said he'd find a slot for me. In the meantime both Eli and his head of Marketing were getting a front row seating to the mocking that i would receive from the other workers at Mi-Soul, from time to time. I feared that Eli would be yet another person to lose respect for me on account of the dynamics. Eli, suddenly told me he had a slot open for me to start a monthly club night from Saturday the 8th December 2018. Whilst I was happy, I was still hiding my state of depression. CLAIRE

At some point in November I became mindful that the date for my club night in Margate was drawing closer and closer with a mere 4 weeks to go, and there was seemingly no promotion. I thought I might do the graphics for that and hoped that it might lift my spirit so I called claire as head of branding and marketing to bring all to her attention and suggested that I do the promotional artwork . Clair surprised me in saying that my art was not needed and that in fact, she had already done promotional work and uploaded it to a dedicated event page that she had made for my new club night which we had already decided to call 'Tutu & fFiends'. I was surprised that this was the case and that she had not consulted me before going live with the branding with my name attached "Oh! Okay" I said. She further suggested for me to have a look and tell me if you like it. I assumed that it would be above board considering she had already gone live with it on social media. When I took to Facebook to see what she had done, I was mortified. Claire had seen fit to find an image of a silhouetted black, female Civi Rights Activist, with a black power fist in the air and afro shaped much like mine which gave illusion that it was me in the silhouetted photo. Along side this image were the words 'Tutu & Friends' I gasped and then burst out crying. I called Claire back and asked who did this? She replied that she did it. I told her i didn't like it and that i'd like to do something else please. She didn't dispute it but, even so I was too deflated to actually do anything so I left it. On the day of the event. Anxiety got the better of me and even though I attempted to make it to the club to fulfil my night, Despair of racism got the better of me and I got as far as kings Cross before calling Eli at the last minute to tell him that I 'd missed my train and would not be able to make it. He held back the disappointment in his voice but, of course I knew he was, as was I but I couldn't bring myself to go on so I turned back and went home to cry myself to sleep on my sofa. At this point i hated myself.

I saw Eli Thompson at the end of the year at Mi-Soul's Christmas party held at Ministry of Sound where I apologised to him for letting him down but I knew the damage was done.

I also apologised to Lindsay Wesker for letting down a client I had to refund that he had referred to me for graphic solutions. I was a full wreck by then but as I say, I tried best as I could to hide it behind big hair and make up with a spritely smile.

Summery of Grievance:

Discrimination

Pay Gap Discrimination

Racism

Bullying

2019...........................................................

2019 (YEAR 6 AT MI-SOUL/STEPHEN LAWRENCE CENTRE)

January 2019

On Monday the 14th January Rosie Coxshaw called me asking for updated changes to the Logo design I had created for their use in 2018. Bearing in mind that they had breached their agreement to promote me, I calmly took down her request of changes she wanted and when she asked me How much I Charged her more than she was expecting to hear. "How Much?!" Rosie replied, adding "But Tutu, we only paid £150 for the whole design!" to which i calmly replied "Yes, but that was because we had an agreement and you were supposed to promote me which you didn't do."

Rosie Coxshaw mockingly replied "We did promote you, we let you sign it! That was your promotion"

With a calm measure to my tone, I replied "Rosie, I'm an artist. All artist's sign their work, we don't need permission for that. I normally start my prices from £400 and go to £1000 dependent on the graphics treatment but I charged you far less expecting promotion and did not get it so now, this is the price"

Rosie unnecessarily, loudly and rudely responded in saying "£400?! Pfff! I wouldn't pay £400 for that! I mean, it's good but it ain't that good! It's not worth that!" At this point i was so tired of everything so I simply replied a default "Right, Okay." Rosie Coxshaw continued to try bartering with me with an air of intimidation tactics to no avail. She then asked me to send over the specs for changes on email citing that she needs to speak to Ronnie and get back to me (though I suspected Ronnie was already there listening in to the entire conversation) I agreed to do so and ended the call.

I sent all over to Rosie Coxshaw but got no response email not even to say thank you but no thank you.

On Monday the 28th January, with no prior warning; Martin Striven called me out of the blue to tell me that I would no longer be kept on in the capacity that I had been at Mi-Soul previously. I had no fight in me left so I calmly replied in saying "Okay, thank you for letting me know."

Martin Striven then went on to tell me "The reason why is, we're not entirely satisfied with your standard of professionalism." To which, i once again, replied in a calm tone "okay"

Martin then said " all good things come to an end"

"yes they do Martin"

Martin Striven then said, "But we'll still call you from time to time to do special shows" Which left me confused and needing clarity.

"But I thought you just said that I'm no longer there?"

"Yes" Martin said, "But we'll call you from time to time to come in and do special shows as and when..."

"Right, okay" I said. We said our goodbyes, ended the call.

Nobody thanked me, nobody ever told me good job, nobody showed any space of appreciation throughout the entire duration of my being there. Gordon managed to get around paying me for services whilst racially objectify me and abusing me every step of the way. I was out of the Stephen Lawrence Centre and out of any chance to get closure for my journey. What's more i was leaving with even more baggage of racial abuse than I had when I had first arrived and I never got to say. It all hit me like a tone bricks, and I broke down in tears.

On Monday the 28th of January, I called my DJ friend Stephen and told him. Stephen let it be known to me that he had known that Gordon was getting rid of me and that Gordon had been itching to throw me out from the previous year. Stephen told me that he had, had a conversation with his old work mate George Kay, one year earlier to tell him that he knows I'm being bullied and that it needed to stop! At which point George Kay said Gordon's getting rid of her anyway. Stephen then told him that what was happening was insane. "How can you get rid of one of your best players?1" going on to ask George "How can you stand by and watch all of what is happening and not speak up? But I told Stephen that George was a part of the problem and the bullying.

On Thursday the 21st February, I finally plucked up the courage to announce of social media (via Facebook that I had left Mi-Soul whilst thanking all that had listened to me through out the years.

Summery of Grievance:

Bullying

Unfair Dismissal

Plagiarism

LASTING EFFECTS ON CAREER & MENTAL HEALTH

Both my personal life and my career continue to suffer loss till this day. My professional respect and regard by many that were once comrades, fellow DI's and fans of the culture has waned or simply completely gone which is detrimental to forward progress in the line of industry that I once work in for 20 years.

Jumping Jack Frost is a Mi-Soul DJ working under Gordon. Mac and an ex colleague of Tutu. In November of 2019, Jumping Jack Frost's girlfriend at the time, Jacqueline Thompson Brown stole and adapted my would be brand name at the time. 'Planet Tutu' became 'Planet JQ' in 2019 - present. Jacqueline did so and then brazenly notified Tutu of what she had done via an inviting Tutu to like Jacqueline's business page on Facebook.

On Friday the 21st February 2020, I discovered, Ronnie Herel and and Rosie Coxshaw had taken to violating both my artistic integrity and identity by starting their own online shop, selling my artwork with my indelible signature, and without my consent. Currently, my artwork and signature are being sold on T Shirts, Mugs, Hoodies and Mouse mats.

On Friday the 20th March, after a year away from social media; due to the lock down I was forced to re-engage. At first people were happy to see me after a one year hiatus. The dynamics shifted very quickly by approximately May of 2020. I had been ostracised from tmy once community of DJ's . It imagine most of them had been briefed to disengage with me based on the uniformed radio silence.

In July 2020 when George Floyd was killed and people around the world tried to stand up against racism; via social media, I tried to call out one of the discriminatory DJ's, working under Gordon Mac and was promptly told to "do one!" whilst another responded, "you're the racist Tutu! Go away!'

In 2021 Rosie Coxshaw has become business partners with Mi-Soul and regularly frequents the Stephen Lawrence Centre to promote her wares on 'supporting women at work' within the show time that I spent 4 years, solely working hard on to build up from inception since 2013; Rosie does so whilst selling my artwork that she has stolen, simultaneous to telling me it's effectively not worth much alongside her thinking that, she "let me sign my own work as the original artist.

In 2021, Ronnie Herel presented my artwork on social media again, this time he gave free reign to plagiarism; allowing another creative to claim my work as their own.

Emma Noble is a Mi=Soul support DJ. Emma has since been emboldened to continue the undermining of my creative direction of self, further marginalising and compromising what was once my clear identity as a proud ethnic woman of African Heritage.

Effects On My Mental Health:

Mental Breakdown
Thoughts of taking own life
Paranoia/Trust Issues
Anxiety/Panick Attacks
Depression
Ongoing Recurring Nightmares
Suffering from Imposter Syndrome.

Lasting Effects on Career & Mental Health.

Newsletter & Data..........................

Thank You......................................

For supporting evidence pertaining to this case please click the link below for page 2.

SUPPORTING EVIDENCE

Table of Content

FAQ For Black Women Seeking Justice.

SUBTEXT: The Journey to the Stephen Lawrence Centre/Mi-Soul Radio.

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2012